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Band 8.5

Climate change is one of the biggest environmental problems of the 21st century. Some people think that humans should stop using oil, gas and coal and switch to alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others claim that fossil fuels are essential for many industries, and not using them will result in economic recession. What is your opinion? Support your point of view with relevant examples.

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Climate change is one of the largest challenges that people face in
this
 century.
However
,
this
 is a controversial topic
due to
 the varying opinions of differing groups. One mode of thought, which prevails in the popular mood, is for the onset of renewables on an industrial scale. Contrastingly, others believe fossil fuels are necessary to maintain the current economic system. In my opinion, the use of sustainable sources should be given priority.
Firstly
, the abusive nature of oil and gas leads to a deterioration of the environment, which has been evidenced in recent times.
For example
, the rising global temperatures are causing the ice caps to melt which are impacting the level of the oceans, which in turn, are precipitating adverse weather conditions in many parts of the world. Under these circumstances, using clean energy is a necessity, rather than a choice.
Moreover
, climate change is here in the present and not in a distant future. The effects of
this
 phenomenon are now visible. As an example, studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between unusual weather conditions and increased heat.
Secondly
, alternative sources of energy can be made economically viable in the long run.
To begin
 with, the exploitation of
such
 energies will give rise to new industries.
This
, in turn, will result in more employment opportunities.
Furthermore
, new research can help in making these energies more efficient so that they can be used in traditional industries.
For instance
, in countries like Germany and the Netherlands, wind power is extensively used by households and the manufacturing industry.
Thus
, with time, renewable fuels can contribute to the development of the economy. In conclusion, I think alternative modes of power should be reinforced in the forthcoming decades,
due to
 all the advantages they will create.
Submitted by inesmonterolavilla on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the task response, while your essay covers the topic broadly and shows a clear position, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main question. Always tie your examples and arguments back to how they support your opinion on the use of alternative energy versus fossil fuels.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is well-organized and ideas flow logically. However, to reach the highest mark, you could work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly. This will help your essay feel more cohesive and fluent to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporating a broader and more sophisticated range of vocabulary specifically related to the topic could provide additional clarity and precision in your arguments. Be mindful not to overcomplicate; clarity is key.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively bookend your essay, establishing and summarizing your position well.
Relevant Examples
You've successfully included relevant examples to support your main points. This is crucial for illustrating your arguments and grounding them in reality.
Understanding of Topic
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear personal stance, which is essential for the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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