IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?

#countries #cars #city #centers #system #cities
One
 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is environmental pollution and climate change. It affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various areas of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Cars
 have a huge impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they’re
one
 of the most convenient types of vehicles and
it’s
 difficult to imagine our life without them.
However
, there is another problematic side of using them,
it’s
 the level of pollution they
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
. That’s why some countries already started to find solutions.
One
 of them is banning them from city centres.
One
 of the main positives of doing so is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 helps to decrease the level of traffic.
It’s
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 how difficult it is
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most people living in big cities, to get to their destinations on time,
it’s
also
 can be quite tiresome. Another advantage is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will increase the security level in cities, because there won’t be car accidents, caused by people’s rush.
Lastly
, people will spend less money
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using public transport. Turning to the other side of the argument, banning private
cars
 can cause difficulties for disabled people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there is
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 probability that public transport could be crowded, so there won’t be enough space and conditions for them. Another major disadvantage is money loss for many
car producing
Add a hyphen
car-producing
show examples
 companies, which will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their income and
made
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 their employees to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that, we should decide what will be more important for ourselves, the convenience of
cars
 or saving our world. I personally think that banning private
cars
 is the right thing to do
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the pollution the cats make impacts negatively
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our health and nature. We are responsible for everything we do. In that
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 it will
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 for us to use bicycles or buy electric
cars
, since they cause less damage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Also
, we need to invest in studies and science to find more ways to make our lives better.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or words to make the essay more engaging.
task response
When discussing disadvantages, try to develop the points with more detail and examples.
grammar
Watch out for minor grammatical errors such as misplaced prepositions or articles, which can slightly affect clarity.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the context of the essay by mentioning environmental pollution and the role of cars.
task response
The conclusion provides a clear and strong opinion on the issue, which makes a positive impact on the reader.
coherence
Each paragraph discusses specific advantages and disadvantages, maintaining a clear structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: