IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind the traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadyas only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods #nowadyas
During the
last
 few years, people have been highly passionate about celebrating with the aim of increasing their mood; whether by personal parties or participating in cultural ceremonies.
However
, some argue these
festivals
 have lost their meaning, I concur that not only they have not been meaningless, but
also
 folks are striving to keep their heritages alive. Primarily, it is observed that
due to
 difficulties of modern life namely the high level of anxiety people experience in their lives and loads and a bunch of responsibilities, they try to have some fun time in terms of getting away from the hustle and bustle of daily basis life;
as a result
, they tend to celebrate many occasions even those are not related to their own culture. So, it is obvious that all these
festivals
 are not meaningful.
For instance
, some individuals who are not Christian celebrate Christmas just because of having some quality time. So, it could be regarded that some historical and traditional
festivals
 are going to be considered just as opportunities to be happy, not keeping their goals alive.
On the other hand
, nowadays thanks to the internet, nations try to exhibit their customs to the world;
also
, they are strongly enthusiastic about increasing their knowledge of their background which results in exploring the net with the matter of finding the history behind these
festivals
. What is more, when it comes to their historical and religious traditions, they try to transfer them to the next generations by teaching them their aim and importance
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
, many youngsters on online platforms try to absorb others, mostly those who are from other countries, by sharing their photos of these kinds of
festivals
. In conclusion,
although
 people mainly want to enjoy themselves during
festivals
, I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions for smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include a wider range of vocabulary specific to the topic of festivals and traditions.
task achievement
Refer back to the main point in the conclusion to make your final stance clear.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your ideas and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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