The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
The circled diagrams illustrate how the
money
spent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online in various sectors
such
as travel , film,books and clothes in New Zealand during the years 2003 and 2013.
Overall
,the expenses caused by travel and clothes decreased
whereas
the
money
invested in film and books increased from 2003 to 2013. In 2003, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Add a missing verb
were intrested
show examples
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
in travelling and that was nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
of their expenditure.After that, it reduced by 7
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
over 10 years.
One forth
Correct pronoun usage
Forth
show examples
of the
money
spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
clothes in 2003 and it dropped to 16
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
in 2013.
Money
spent on books did not show any huge difference between 2003 and 2013 and that was 19 and 22. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people in 2013
Add a missing verb
were intrested
show examples
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
show examples
films and the percentage of expense extended from 21 to 33.
Submitted by shanaparamesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: