IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

you recently received a letter from your friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. you think he should get a job. write a letter to this friend in your letter to say why he or she would not enjoy going to college. explain why getting a job is a good idea for him or her. suggest types of job that would be suitable for him or her.

#friend #advice #college #job #idea
Dear Sam, I'm writing to you to tell you that I have received your letter, and I thought a lot about your situation. So, I advise you to get a
job
.
However
, I think that college will be boring for you since you don't like staying outside for more than three hours, and the college asks you for your presence in lectures and classes.
In addition
, at university, there are many exams and quizzes.
Thus
, you will not be joyful because you don't like working under pressure.
Therefore
, I advise you that trying to get a
job
 will be more effective for you because you are like a night owl. So, you can get a suitable
job
 that suits your life system.
Furthermore
, you actually have many responsibilities for your parents, and you must gain money fast.
As a result
, getting a
job
 is the best choice to improve your life standards.
Finally
, I believe that freelancing jobs
such
 as typing, Data entering, or marketing on social media Networks would be a perfect solution for your personality and routine.
Moreover
, the income from these jobs is reasonable. Tell your parents my respect. Best wishes, Amal
Submitted by amalalhoury on

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on why college would not be enjoyable for your friend, providing specific examples that relate directly to their personality or situations, to enhance task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to enhance coherence by connecting your ideas more smoothly, using linking words or phrases for a more cohesive flow between arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Including a brief conclusion or overall message at the end could provide a satisfactory closure, reinforcing your advice in a memorable way.
Task Achievement
You've done a great job offering personalized advice based on your friend's personality and life situation, which makes your letter genuine and thoughtful.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively used paragraphs to separate different ideas, which helps in maintaining a clear structure throughout the letter.
Task Achievement
Your polite tone and sign-off convey respect and consideration, which is suitable for the context of writing to a friend.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Real-world experience
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • On-the-job training
  • Student loan debt
  • Personal growth
  • Professional networking
  • Career development
  • Skilled workers
  • Job market
  • Career goals
  • Immediate income
  • Professional relationships
  • Market demand
  • Defining interests
  • Educational investments
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