IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A friend wants find a part time job to earn some money while studying. You have heard about a suitable job for your friend. Write a letter to this friend,in your letter, - describe the job - Explain why you think it is suitable for your friend. - Say what your friend should do to get this job.

#friend #part #time #job #money
Dear Ngoc, I am writing
this
 letter to tell you about a part-time
job
 that I have heard that can be suitable for you to earn some money
while
 studying. I hope
this
 letter finds you well.
The
Change the word
My
show examples
 part-time
job
 is being a waiter at my father's
coffee
 shop. You only need to take 4 hours a day and you can choose to do
this
job
 in the morning or afternoon. A waiter must speak English and work well with the boss. It is a good
job
 for you. I think
this
job
 is suitable for you because it helps you to earn money
while
 studying. You
also
 can learn more about
coffee
. You will have a chance to speak English with everyone. What you should do is have a CV and some knowledge about
coffee
. You need to have good health before you go to work in a
coffee
 shop. Hoping to hear from you soon Love, Thuy
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Vary sentence structures to enhance flow and reader engagement.
Content
For a higher score, consider adding more detail about the job responsibilities and how these specifically suit your friend's abilities or interests. Adding personal anecdotes or more specific reasoning can strengthen your argument.
Flow
Usage of connecting words and transition phrases can further improve the cohesion between your ideas, making the letter flow even more smoothly.
Task response
You effectively addressed all three bullet points, making your letter complete in terms of task response.
Tone
You maintained a friendly and appropriate tone throughout the letter, which fits the context of writing to a friend.
Structure
You structured your letter well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing the bullet points, and a friendly closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: