IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #car #british #roads #year #million #vehicles #alternative #forms #transport #laws #control #ownership
The first
car
 touched
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom's roads in 1888 and by
passing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more than one century the
number
 of vehicles significantly increased to over 29 million. Some substitution forms of
cars
 should
be
Change the verb form
be used
be using
show examples
use
either
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 governments should enact some laws to confine
car
 ownership. I strongly agree with
this
 statement.
This
essy
Correct your spelling
essay
 intends to express some
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my personal and logical conclusion.
To begin
 with, the high
number
 of
cars
 in a city will cause numerous
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
includes
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
, pollution and traffic. To avoid
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 from happening the
number
 of vehicles must be decreased for
this
 action the
socirty
Correct your spelling
society
 should be
encourged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 to
use
 public transport
such
 as
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 and metro. By using public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 the
number
personal
Change preposition
of personal
show examples
cars
 will decrease considerably and it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both pollution and traffic. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
 statement, a bus can carry 50 passengers at the same time but if they
use
 their personal vehicles there will be 50
cars
 on the road. Sometimes, only
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 people will not work
besides
,
satates
Correct your spelling
states
 should act directly by imposing some rules against
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
cars
.
In addition
, governments can declare some days only for using bicycles. To prove
this
satatement
Correct your spelling
statement
, if a country
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 a law that, no one should
use
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 personal
cars
 for commuting to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
instead
 they should
use
 public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 or the people who do not like public transport have to
use
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 the weather and traffic of that area will become very well.
To conclude
, since
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
car
 came to Britain up to 2000 the
number
 of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 has increased very much.
According to
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 points in
this
 essay introducing laws for automobile ownership and
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 people toward cycling and public
tranports
Correct your spelling
transports
transport
 will be useful.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your ideas more clearly to ensure each paragraph has a central theme that is fully developed and easy to follow. This can enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
miscellaneous
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
structure
You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear thesis statement at the beginning, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
structure
Your conclusion successfully recapitulates your main points and reaffirms your stance, contributing to a satisfying closure for the reader.
content
You made a relevant point about the benefits of public transportation and cycling, which directly addresses the question's task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: