in many countries people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing populaiton outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Due to
advancement
in technology, Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
people
now are able to live longer than before. Whilst many think that ageing
population has more problems for the government, I believe that having older Correct article usage
the ageing
people
in community
is more beneficial, and Add an article
the community
a community
this
has more poitives
than drawbacks.
One of the Correct your spelling
positives
positive
advantage
of more old Change to a plural noun
advantages
people
in society is that,
these Remove the comma
apply
people
are full of experience, and they will share their experiences of life with young individuals. Young people
will always have something new to learn from their elders. Moreover
, grandparents have influence in families, they with their right guidance and expert advice are able to solve many problems, also
they always help their children and grand children
to follow Correct your spelling
grandchildren
right
direction and path in life. Correct article usage
the right
In addition
, they are the best care takers
of their Correct your spelling
caretakers
grand children
when parents are not able to monitor them. If we talk about old employees in various companies, older Correct your spelling
grandchildren
people
are more loyal and reliable then
youngsters. There are so many multinational Correct your spelling
than
organsitions
in which Correct your spelling
organisations
organisation
organizations
people
in different departments are working for long tenures and spend about thirty to fourty
years in one organisation, and they with their expert Correct your spelling
forty
four
advise
benefit the company in Replace the word
advice
long
run. Correct article usage
the long
For example
, many large corpartes
are able to maximise their profits Correct your spelling
corporates
due to
the loyality
of their old employees and the suggestions they provide.
Correct your spelling
loyalty
However
, as far as disadvantages
of having more elders Correct article usage
the disadvantages
on
the Change preposition
in
governement
in nations are concerned, Correct your spelling
government
then
there are increased burdens of medicare and pensions. The government have to spend more on providing healthcare facilities to them as this
is a fact that with ageing, people
start to have various health issues Also
, with Correct article usage
an exccessive
exccessive
older population, the Correct your spelling
excessive
governement
needs to set a certain budget for them in order to provide pensions to manage their cost Correct your spelling
government
os
living, so Correct your spelling
of
instead
of spending on other recreational and public services, they have to support elder for their living.
In conclusion, although
with more older population the
governments will Correct article usage
apply
overwhelm
with additional burdens to provide medical and pension Wrong verb form
be overwhelmed
facilties
to them, Correct your spelling
facilities
their
benefits like experience, expertise, and Change the word
the
loyality
they have for Correct your spelling
loyalty
the
society and companies cannot be overlooked.Correct article usage
apply
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Introduction
Make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines your view clearly. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. While you have a good structure, varying your connectors can elevate your writing.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics would make your argument more convincing.
Position
While discussing both sides of the argument, ensure to maintain a clear position throughout your essay. This will strengthen the coherence of your response.
Introduction
You've done a good job introducing the topic and stating your opinion in the introduction.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main idea.
Examples
You have effectively used examples to illustrate your points, though more specificity could make them even stronger.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.