The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

The maps outline the changes that took place in a municipal green called Grange Park from 1920 to today.

Overall

, the domain amendmented and renovated most of the areas that visitors had visited for decades.

For example

, a theatre, a cafe, etc. In detail, the common was assembled and opened in 1920 on Arnold Avenue. It is entertainment facilities have been upgraded since

then

However

, some sites linger untouched,

such

as Eldon Street, entrance and rose garden.

Besides

, the fountain has been removed in favour of a rose plot with ample setting procedures around it. To the left of the new patch, the previous stage for musicians has been turned into a much larger amphitheatre facing the opposite direction that will allow for concerts in the estate.

This

change has necessitated the exclusion of both seatings on the far left side

as well as

the rose garden in the bottom left corner of the map.

Moreover

, the pond for water plants was removed from the right-top part of the patch and a children's play area was introduced in the right-top of the ground, and near

this

area, a cafe was constructed.

Instead

of the pond, a water feature has been built occupying the bottom right corner. Interestingly, the number of rose gardens was reduced to two.

In addition

, an underground car park was built in the lower right corner of the green.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Sun Apr 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider using a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Introduce your essay with a clearer overview of the main changes for better engagement.

coherence cohesion

Try to maintain a logical order when describing the changes to help readers follow your description more easily.

coherence cohesion

Include a brief conclusion to summarise the main developments and provide a clear end to your essay.

task achievement

You provided a detailed account of the changes in the park, which helps in task achievement.

task achievement

Effective use of specific examples to illustrate the changes, strengthening your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your efforts to describe the transformation of specific areas in the park are acknowledged, enhancing the essay's descriptive quality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

232 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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