In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?
Today in some countries,
although
the young generation living a better life
(richer, safer, and healthier) than ever before, some of them often feel not really happy with their life
. In this
essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards this
situation and propose some solutions to help them.
In my opinion, there are a few reasons why young people
feel less happy. First and foremost, the advancement of technology plays a crucial role in transforming people
's behaviour. Nowadays, the
most population is a user of social Correct article usage
apply
media
which keeps them busy with their online life
. To illustrate this
, let's say a decade ago, students used to play with their friends
after school, but today some of them may choose to go home and just scroll down their Instagram or TikTok. This
circumstance decreases real interaction which then
makes them become more easy to burn out. Moreover
, if people
are active on social media
, they will be easily exposed to their friends
' successful lives. It is probably not good for their mental health since they will compare each other's lives. Secondly
, young adults may be burdened with their society which indirectly forces them to become successful. As many of the previous generations already settled with their life
, young people
may feel they have to achieve more.
To overcome this
issue, several ways can be taken. The first thing young people
can do is try to interact with real people
. What I mean by this
is they need to maximize their social media
to join some community such
as a cycling group, a book lovers society, or a blind-date class, thus
driving them to make new friends
. It is a really good idea since there are alot
of things like that on the Internet recently. Correct your spelling
a lot
However
, if they still feel unhappy and somehow it is getting worse, I suppose they to seek professional help like going to a counselling session.
In conclusion, the circumstances where young people
feel less happy are caused by several factors and need a solutive way to help them. The advancement of technology, their social media
, and the burdened feeling may be the several reasons behind their feeling. Therefore
, I suggest that young adults have more interaction with real friends
rather than be busy with their online lives. In addition
, they may need to explore new things or even go to a psychologist if they need to.Submitted by mmmuuu on
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Example Specificity
To further enrich your essay, try to include more diverse and detailed examples to illustrate your points. Although you've provided general examples, such as the impact of social media on interpersonal relationships, more specific instances could enhance your argument's depth and authenticity.
Linking Words Variety
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay is well organized, incorporating a more varied selection of transitions could make your writing even smoother and more coherent.
Understanding and Response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, effectively addressing both the reasons behind the issue and proposing thoughtful solutions.
Structure
You've structured your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarises the main points effectively.
Analysis Depth
The use of real-life implications and societal pressures as reasons for young people's unhappiness shows a deep level of analysis.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.