In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

The importance of
competition
and winning is taught to
children
in a few nations at the initial stages of life. Owing to developing the
habit
of doing hard
work
, preparing a strong foundation and teaching essential
skills
to
children
, I consider it a positive development. Primarily, teaching the significance of
competition
and acing to
children
from a young age leads to developing the
habit
of doing arduous
work
. When they realise that there is too much
competition
in every domain of life, they are ready to tackle upcoming hurdles in their lives, spontaneously preparing them for fighting their own battles. In order to do that, they commence working hard to achieve their goals.
For example
, had the American
children
not been taught the importance of
competition
and winning, they would not have developed the
habit
of doing hard
work
.
Similarly
, the above approach assists
children
in developing a strong base. If
children
participate in competitive events and focus on winning at a young age, they will learn from their mistakes and improve them in future.
This
will bring satisfaction to their lives.
Besides
making a powerful base,
children
will learn important
skills
.
While
participating in competitions and looking for winnings, they will gain some imperative
skills
such
as decision-making, leadership, communication and sportsmanship. These
skills
could be improved in upcoming lives when they are already ready to face the
competition
;
consequently
, they will succeed in their future. In conclusion,
children
are taught from early stages of life about the significance of
competition
and winning is the optimistic trend because it not only develops the
habit
of doing hard
work
, prepares a strong foundation but
also
teaches essential
skills
to
children
.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task with a clear position on the topic. However, it would be beneficial to further elaborate on your examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and ideas flow coherently from one paragraph to another. Nevertheless, ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear main idea to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the readability of your essay and to make your argumentation more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your viewpoint, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs, which enhances readability.
task achievement
You have provided adequate arguments and reasons to support your stance, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: