Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In the era of globalisation and modern technology, in some people’s opinion
zoos
should be closed down because of its
cruelty. Correct pronoun usage
their
However
, other individuals believe that zoos
can be used forin
wild animal protection. Correct your spelling
for
for in
This
essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter.
On the one hand, zoos
are the modern prisons for animals
. In other words
, animals
which should live in freedom are enclosed in small rooms of zoos
. For example
, in most of Kazakhstan’s zoos
big
Correct word choice
apply
sized
Correct your spelling
big-sized
animals
, such
as elephants, tigers, lions, rhinos and
etc. have been living in small cages, without satisfying air conductivity, insufficient cleanup, enough sun and constant noise from people.
On Correct word choice
apply
other
hand, an enormous range of endangered species have been saved and protected by zoo keepers. In Correct article usage
the other
this
way, zoos
can be represented as a
safe Correct article usage
apply
place
for wild rare Fix the agreement mistake
places
animals
. For instance
, in Bishkek city
there is a rehabilitation zoo, opened by Vladislav Shevchenko, where wild Add a comma
city,
animals
are rescued from poachers and, treated by zoo workers.
In conclusion, although
there are some advantages associated with wild animal protection in zoos
, I am firmly of the opinion that the negative side outweighs the positive. Because ,
it can be argued that in our recent Remove the comma
apply
situation
there are no satisfactory conditions for Add a comma
situation,
zoos
.Submitted by lola.kz.kg on
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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly rephrasing the prompt and carefully previewing the main points that are going to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in discussing the main points. Sometimes, the essay switches between points rather abruptly. Better transitions would improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help in strengthening your points and making your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both viewpoints, showing a balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, with a thoughtful thesis statement in the conclusion.
task achievement
The example of the rehabilitation zoo and its efforts offers a concrete instance of the positive potential of zoos.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
