People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today is known as the era of an
aging
society. From Change the spelling
ageing
this
aspect, questions about whether individuals
live longer today and so they should stay in the workforce
longer arise. In my opinion, they should stay in the workforce
longer.
Irrefutably, the young are more likely to struggle with a financial burden. This
is because, with retirement from the labor
force, the young who live with retired family members must manage household finances and pay more taxes associated with the pension system. Change the spelling
labour
This
obviously discourages young individuals
from supporting their families, leading to family conflicts and the isolation of the elderly.
Furthermore
, although
the difficulties of the workforce
cannot be overlooked, there are significant mental and physical health benefits for the elderly who remain employed. Studies have shown that older individuals
who stay in the workforce
are less likely to suffer from stress related to aging
issues, Change the spelling
ageing
such
as loneliness. Additionally
, they have opportunities to maintain their physical condition through regular commuting and active work.
Nevertheless
, the freedom for individuals
to leave the labor
force is significant. After dedicating their entire lives to work, retirees deserve the chance to pursue their dreams and enjoy activities they love. Change the spelling
labour
Thus
, retirement can provide the opportunity for a better quality of life.
To recapitulate, while
the freedom to retire is important, the young are more likely to struggle with financial burdens, and the elderly can benefit from increased mental and physical health by staying in the workforce
. Therefore
, I believe individuals
should stay in the workforce
longer.Submitted by subin12260 on
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task achievement
While your essay provides a clear stance and comprehensive coverage of the topic, adding more specific examples would make your argument stronger. For instance, citing particular studies or real-life examples about the benefits of elderly workforce participation would enrich your points.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Introducing linking phrases like 'In addition to', 'Moreover', or 'Conversely' at the beginning of paragraphs can further connect your ideas seamlessly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage well and clearly states your position on the topic, which is crucial for a high score.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas, supporting the main arguments effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You provide clear and comprehensive ideas that address the task prompt fully, offering a balanced view of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.