The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.
Child obesity is a challenging dilemma in the modern world these days, especially in
western
society, where the proportion of obese Capitalize word
Western
children
has grown by almost 20% in the last
decade. This
essay will elaborate on several main culprits of this
issue and propose some outcomes of this
problem.
There are various factors leading to the grounds of the
rising in number of obese Correct article usage
apply
children
. First of all, the diet of kids is mostly ignored by their parents. This
is due to
the
ignorance about the essential substances that are needed for the growth of Correct article usage
apply
children
and bad foods harming their kids. Therefore
, harmful meals, such
as ready-made meals, which are a quick and easy option for many parents, are usually fed to children
, leading to detrimental matter entering the body. Another reason for the large number of obese children
is the numerous advertisements. For instance
, more and more colorful
advertisements about fast food brands like Pizza Hut or McDonald’s appear on every device, attracting Change the spelling
colourful
children
to eat fast food.
The effects of this
have been and will continue to be very serious. Firstly
, children
with obesity tend to have more diseases than normal children
, especially cancer. In addition
, cancer is a very dangerous health problem, which may make the children
stay in the hospital forever. Not only that, overweight children
often experience bullying from other kids because of the difference in body size. For example
, according to
a survey in 2022, among 100 students in a high school, more than 30% of them have discriminated against obese people. This
can damage obese children
’s mental health and make them feel unconfident whenever they go out.
In conclusion, it is evident that there are several causes of this
obesity Correct determiner usage
apply
Change preposition
among
amongst
Change preposition
among
children
,
and a variety of negative effects. Society must propose methods to end Remove the comma
apply
this
issue.Submitted by khoianh2404 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively, covering both causes and effects clearly. However, your essay could benefit from a more in-depth analysis and more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized and logically structured. To improve, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, fulfilling their roles well. However, you could strengthen your conclusion by suggesting specific methods society could use to address childhood obesity.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, discussing both causes and effects in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction gives a good overview of the topic, and your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility and persuasiveness of your argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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