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Band 6.5

In many countries people of all ages do sports and exercises a lot. Does this trend have more advantages or disadvanatges? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experience and knowledge.

#countries #people #ages #sports #exercises #trend #disadvanatges #reason
In
this
 modern world, exercise and sports have become an integral part of many
countries
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countries'
country's
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. Some believe that time spent on
such
 activities has no major advantages, as it wastes their time and hampers productivity.
However
, based on my experience, I believe that all these physical activity trends have huge advantages as they promote a healthy life.
To begin
 with, the major advantage of
this
 trend is quite straightforward. It improves health and prevents diseases from affecting the body.
According to
 a recent survey, Cardiovascular and Diabetes are the two most deadly diseases which affect our adult population. It is proven that people who are involved in regular games tend to have a lower probability of getting these complications. Since medical expenses are quite high nowadays, preventing health-related problems from occurring by undertaking regular exercises would be the best strategy
looking
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for looking
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 ahead.
Moreover
, apart from the physical benefits,
this
 new movement plays a pivotal role in reducing stress and improving the mood of the population. When a person is involved in any physical sports, a hormone called "Dophomine",
also
 called "Happy Hormone" releases
in
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into
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 their body.
This
 reduces anxiety levels and induces happiness, which in turn boosts productivity.
Hence
,
this
 lifestyle can improve the economy of a country, if it is adopted country-wide. So
to conclude
, in my opinion, there are no major caveats in
following
this
 healthy trend.
In contrast
, it has a multitude of benefits strengthening both our mind and body.
Thus
,
such
 lifestyles should be welcomed globally and the local governments should support
such
 initiatives.
Submitted by nusramkumar on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular sports or exercises that help reduce cardiovascular diseases.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases more effectively. Consider starting the second paragraph with a phrase like, 'Firstly, the major advantage of...',' and the third paragraph with, 'Furthermore, apart from physical benefits...' to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
task achievement
Your points are well-supported and relevant to the question, making your argument convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses both physical and mental benefits of sports and exercises, providing a balanced perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Chronic diseases
  • Mental well-being
  • Teamwork
  • Social interaction
  • Risk of injuries
  • Overtraining syndrome
  • Physical fitness
  • Stress
  • Fatigue
  • Accessibility
  • Inequality
  • Health disparities
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