Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
In contemporary discourse,several individuals argue that the authorities are spending recklessly
in
large amounts of funds on the arts and that Change preposition
apply
this
budget might be invested more efficiently in other fields.However
,I do not completely agree with this
statement.In the forthcoming paragraphs
I shall explain why Add a comma
paragraphs,
art
is necessary for all of us.
On the first side,it is important to acknowledge that art
is not only a way to express ideas but also
communicate concepts.Additionally
, it encourages creativity and promotes harmony in society.Moreover
,most artists do not make enough money to support themselves,without government funding few artists would not be able to work and management is responsible for protecting culture. Nevertheless
,people are taught about culture and history as well as
tradition by art
.Therefore
, people can learn from it ,
and are inspired by it.A nation can earn money through Remove the comma
apply
art
,for example
,authorities get money when tourists visit and expense on the art
gallaries
,Correct your spelling
galleries
meuseums
and historical places.
Correct your spelling
museums
Nonetheless
,on the flip side , proponents of meticulous
belief that unions should spend significant amounts of funds on more pressing issues, Add an article
the meticulous
such
as ,
healthcare ,Remove the comma
apply
education
,infrastructure etc.Education
should be prioritised over art
.For instance
, if authourities
do not Correct your spelling
authorities
expense
on Verb problem
spend
education
sectors then
it would be an obstacles
for civilizations and the nation might be leg behind Correct the article-noun agreement
an obstacle
obstacles
from
the modern world as Change preposition
in
education
plays a vital role in society.In addition
,the healthcare systems
needs more funding Fix the agreement mistake
system
then
the Replace the word
than
art
. This
is because ,healthcare directly impacts people's well- being
and survival.Correct your spelling
well-being
In addition
, it addresses critical needs ,such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
diseases
prevention,treatment ,and emergency care,Change the noun form
disease
whereas
art
is considered as a luxurious component.
In conclusion, as we have seen, there are no easy answers to this
question.By striking a balance between investments in the arts and concerning pressing social issues management can create a more adaptable and prosperous future for all.Submitted by Alma Islam on
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General Feedback
Your essay provides a well-articulated discussion on the importance of art and its impact on society, along with a look into the necessity of funding other critical sectors. Enhancing your examples with more specific details could make your arguments even more persuasive. Also, consider varying your sentence structures for a more dynamic expression.
Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, which you did effectively by stating you do not completely agree with the statement. This sets a clear tone for your essay.
Logical Structure
Your essay does an excellent job in structuring arguments logically, starting from the significance of arts to comparing it with other sectors' needs. To further improve, try to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs that encapsulates your argument flow.
Conclusion
Including a conclusion that encapsulates your discussion and stance provides a satisfying closure to the reader. You've managed to do this by suggesting a balance between funding arts and other pressing needs.
Main Points
Providing clear, comprehensive ideas is crucial, and you have done so by outlining the benefits of art and the importance of funding other sectors. To polish further, ensure each paragraph's main idea is highlighted at the beginning.
Content
Your discussion clearly acknowledges the importance of art in society, promoting creativity and cultural preservation, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Structure
The structure of the essay, including a balanced view on art funding and the necessity to address other social issues, shows a good logical flow.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively ties together your arguments, reinforcing the need for a balanced approach to government spending.