IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#developments #lives #people
It is argued that older advances in technology were more beneficial to mankind than new ones. I disagree with
this
 opinion as
such
 new technologies as the
internet
 and robotic surgery brought and will give many benefits to
the
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modern
people
 all around the globe.
This
 essay will describe
this
 progress in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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.
Firstly
, the
internet
 was developed not very long ago and has become vital in many areas of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Our work, rest, and normal functioning are now impossible without using
global
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the global
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 web. It brought
people
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 to easily communicate, exchange ideas,
make
Correct word choice
and make
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 financial operations quickly and conveniently. Access to all the information needed is now accessible in a few seconds from our home or workplace. Older communication techniques like a post or telegraph never could bring
such
 benefits for the past generations of humans.
Moreover
, the
internet
 has made space exploration possible, and it will bring new perspectives for
people
 on our planet.
Secondly
, modern medicine
develops
Wrong verb form
is developing
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 at a very high pace nowadays. Advances in
the
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robotic surgery have brought
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
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to
Change preposition
of
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live
Replace the word
life
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 to many
people
. More complicated operations and procedures have become accessible in
the
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modern hospitals.
For example
, in the past brain tumours were almost incurable,
while
 today,
such
 patients frequently have a good prognosis.
Moreover
, now doctors can treat
such
 diseases as myocardial infarction or stroke more effectively and with
a
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apply
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less risk to patients. It is well known that
such
 health conditions are the main cause of morbidity in the developed countries.
To conclude
, modern technological developments
such
 as
internet
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the internet
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 and robotic surgery present brilliant opportunities to
the
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apply
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modern
people
. They allow freely communicate, work more effectively, and present good opportunities to treat different health conditions.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that develop the main points effectively.
task response
Try to introduce the opposing viewpoint in the introduction and provide a balanced argument throughout the essay.
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