IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #reason #rise
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There
are be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 little doubt that
obesity
 is an issue that many societies
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide have to solve. The root cause for
this
 is
mountain
Add an article
a mountain
the mountain
show examples
 of
sugar
 put in
food
 but it can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
 by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 warning the
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 with high
sugar
labels
. The underlying root of the problem is the consumption of
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
food
.
In other words
, when people consume
hing
Correct your spelling
high
sugar
food
,
glucid
Correct your spelling
lucid
glued
 in the body
transform
Correct subject-verb agreement
transforms
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 fat
axit
Correct your spelling
exit
.
As a consequence
, the body fat
grow
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grows
show examples
 up and
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
.
This
 is true, from 1975 to now,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of obese people in the world
is
Verb problem
has
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 tripled and it
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 rapidly to around 2 billion currently. Perhaps a solution to the problem of
obesity
 is to be found in the form of warning consumers about
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
 products by the
labels
. The most effective approach is for residents
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 a careful decision to choose suitable
food
 when they go shopping.
Additionlly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
labels
also
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 sales for the business but
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 need to ban
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
 products. Take Mexico for an example, in 2020 Mexico enacted a law requiring warning
labels
 on the front of
food
 packages and it
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 a huge percentage of
obesity
.
Hence
, it
clearly
Add a missing verb
is clearly
show examples
 shown is
obesity
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 from an enormous
sugar
 in
food
.
However
, the requirement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
warning
labels
 will
decline
Verb problem
decrease
show examples
 the amount of obese people.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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