All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #reason #rise

There

are be

Wrong verb form

show examples

little doubt that

obesity

is an issue that many societies

Change preposition

apply

show examples

worldwide have to solve. The root cause for

this

mountain

Add an article

a mountain

the mountain

show examples

sugar

put in

food

but it can

be solve

Change the verb form

be solved

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

warning the

costumers

Correct your spelling

customers

show examples

with high

sugar

labels

. The underlying root of the problem is the consumption of

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

food

In other words

, when people consume

hing

Correct your spelling

high

sugar

food

glucid

Correct your spelling

lucid

glued

in the body

transform

Correct subject-verb agreement

transforms

show examples

Change preposition

into

show examples

fat

axit

Correct your spelling

exit

As a consequence

, the body fat

grow

Change the verb form

grows

show examples

up and

body

Correct article usage

the body

show examples

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

This

is true, from 1975 to now,

proportion

Add an article

the proportion

show examples

of obese people in the world

Verb problem

has

show examples

tripled and it

increase

Wrong verb form

has increased

show examples

rapidly to around 2 billion currently. Perhaps a solution to the problem of

obesity

is to be found in the form of warning consumers about

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

products by the

labels

. The most effective approach is for residents

make

Fix the infinitive

to make

show examples

a careful decision to choose suitable

food

when they go shopping.

Additionlly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, the

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

labels

also

maitain

Correct your spelling

maintain

sales for the business but

not

Add a missing verb

do not

show examples

need to ban

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

products. Take Mexico for an example, in 2020 Mexico enacted a law requiring warning

labels

on the front of

food

packages and it

reduce

Wrong verb form

reduced

show examples

a huge percentage of

obesity

Hence

, it

clearly

Add a missing verb

is clearly

show examples

shown is

obesity

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

from an enormous

sugar

food

However

, the requirement of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

warning

labels

will

decline

Verb problem

decrease

show examples

the amount of obese people.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sun Oct 08 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Develop your ideas more thoroughly and provide more supporting evidence.

coherence cohesion

Improve the coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas more logically.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use appropriate academic language.

grammatical range accuracy

Work on your grammatical accuracy and range of structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problem as result. Why do many working People not get enough exceise? what can be done about this problem?
Working people who do not get enough exercise is often due to their packed schedules and high amount of workload. In countries where working people work more than other places, they often do not have much free time. For example, working people in Hong Kong will usually use their free time to eat out or hangout with their friends or partner. In the subway, they often are on their phones, finishing their work or on a call with their colleagues or clients.
6
band
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
Animal testing for scientific reasons is still very common today. For some people, the harm to animals does not justify the experimentation. Others see it as necessary. I believe that this is a very difficult situation but that there are some alternatives that can be used in non-essential industries
4
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
With the growing development of self-driving cars, it has been predicted that other means of transport, namely bus and trucks, will also be driverless. Whilst this may mean more convenience for the passenger, I personally believe that there will be much more dangers if this concept was applied to society.
<4
band
In some countries,owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be case? Do you think this a positive or negative situation?
Owning home has been becoming increasingly recent years. Although i think that it consist of some obivious harmful effct, i strongly beleive that positive of owning house can outweigh the renting home.
6.5
band
Some people believe schoolchildren should help to create rules in their schools. Others say teachers alone should decide what the rules are. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There has been ongoing debate regarding whether students should be allowed to set up rules in schools. While some support that children are capable of deciding regulations properly, others argue that this could be detrimental to their growth. This essay will explore both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint.

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problem as result. Why do many working People not get enough exceise? what can be done about this problem?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries,owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be case? Do you think this a positive or negative situation?

Some people believe schoolchildren should help to create rules in their schools. Others say teachers alone should decide what the rules are. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.