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Band 4

Once children start school,teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #school #teachers #influence #development
Fundamental knowledge is
a
Change the article
apply
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quite important for
children
 who are taught and discover social improvements.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, it is argued that some teachers
are
Verb problem
have
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 main roles in the way to find individual
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and knowledge for
children
. I extremely disagree
Change preposition
with that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 point that family and relatives have massively influenced
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 mind
as well as
 education
standard
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standards
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such
 as lessons
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 taught
,
Correct word choice
and, safety
show examples
Correct article usage
a safety
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safety
Replace the word
safe
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 environment. First of all, family members are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an
extremely
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extreme
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 influence
for
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on
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 their
children
, those who always listen and follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people's
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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.
Also
, spend a
much
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lot of
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 time with relatives so social development and mindset
have
Verb problem
are
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 set up
with
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apply
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unconsciously for youth.
For example
, the majority of sources are reporting that
children
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children's
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 character,
attitudes
Correct word choice
and attitudes
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 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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quite
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as a
parent
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parent's
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.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, sometimes people
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more
times
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time
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 in school than
home
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at home
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.
Thus
, the teacher would be part of
builders
Correct article usage
the builders
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 that help to identify society and mindset, but it is not possible to reach
to
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apply
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every individual of internal development.
Furthermore
, Government decisions are meaningful for education and
safety
Replace the word
a safe
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 environment. If
children
 can obtain by fully secure, standardised education, it would create the right person that educated,
Correct word choice
and respect
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respect
Correct subject-verb agreement
respects
show examples
 society in the future.
Thus
, government policy
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
as
Change preposition
for
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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both
of
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apply
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 and parents. In conclusion, teaching a lesson at school that does not sufficiently influence and care
everyone
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for everyone
show examples
. In my point
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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parents are
most
Add an article
the most
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helper
Fix the agreement mistake
helpers
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 for their
children
 who
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 intelligent and good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of society
as well as
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 right decisions which standards of
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 and create a secure environment for
children
.
Submitted by nomio baganaa on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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