IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Government should spend more money on education than on sports and recreation. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #sports #recreation
It is argued that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should allocate more funds to
education
 than to leisure and competitive games.In my opinion, I agree that the national
budget
 should prioritize schools and universities over sports and play.
Firstly
,
education
 provides tremendous
benefits
 to a nation and
secondly
,it brings social
benefits
 as well. investment in the
education
 system is one of the best ways to improve a country's economy in the long term.The more students entering third-level
education
, the more skilled a workforce will be and
this
 leads to higher innovation and productivity.
For example
, North Korea and Finland took a decision to invest a large proportion of their
budget
 in
education
 as opposed to sports and
this
 has reaped
benefits
 in the form of high-tech companies
such
 as Samsung and Nokia.
Thus
, investing funds in
education
 proves to be advantageous
Education
 is not just about improving the country, it
also
 has many social
benefits
. Well-educated people tend to be more aware of social evils
such
 as drugs, alcohol and sexual health.
For example
, Singapore educates its citizens on the dangers of drugs and
this
 has yielded results
such
 as
thelowest
Correct your spelling
the lowest
 level of drug abuse in the world.
Hence
 allocating a greater proportion of the
budget
 towards
education
 sectors yields astounding
benefits
 in the long term In conclusion,
education
 should take precedence over
sportsthe
Correct your spelling
sports the
sports
budget
, when it comes to funding
due to
 the many socio-economic
benefits
 it brings. The government should pump money into schools and universities in order to realise long-term goals
Submitted by irazalalji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, followed by a logical progression of ideas that are well-structured and lead to a clear conclusion. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive to maintain a cohesive flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay should fully respond to all parts of the task. Develop your position consistently throughout the essay, and back up your arguments with relevant examples. Make sure to address the prompt directly and expansively, showing a clear understanding of the topic. Avoid going off-topic and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument or point of view.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: