It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

Some people opine that

schoolchildren

should learn about local

history

rather than

world

history

. From my point of view, I disagree with

this

opinion because I believe that both of them are equally crucial. On the one hand, there are many reasons why

schoolchildren

should be taught about local

history

. As a citizen of one country, every pupil needs to have thorough insights into their ancestors in order to know their origin and historical backgrounds. Through learning local

history

schoolchildren

can understand what their ancestors have been through to bring them freedom and sovereignty in the present time, which leads to an increase in their gratitude and patriotism. As soon as

schoolchildren

are proud of their country, they will make efforts to study and strive to develop more in order to dedicate themselves and help their nation to become better.

On the other hand

, it goes

saying

Change the verb form

to say

show examples

that learning about

world

history

also

plays an important role

Change preposition

for

show examples

schoolchildren

. We know that there are many countries in the

world

with different traditional values and

identity

Fix the agreement mistake

identities

show examples

As a result

, acquiring knowledge from

world

history

would broaden students' horizons and equip them with a well-rounded perspective of not only historical events but

also

real life.

For instance

, lessons about the Feminism protest against

woman

Fix the agreement mistake

women

show examples

abuse and discrimination provide

schoolchildren

with respect for women’s

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

and freedom.

Moreover

, students who have opportunities to approach the

world

’s

history

would feel more confident in communicating with foreigners when travelling since they already have a certain amount of knowledge about traditional customs and local cuisine. In conclusion,

schoolchildren

should be taught about local

history

and

world

history

because both of them will bring different advantages for learners.

Submitted by nhi.lth0811 on Mon May 24 2021

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coherence and cohesion

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task response

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, linking them back to the main topic and your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Write at least 150 words.

Some people think government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should prioritize national interests over global cooperation to maintain their sovereign status. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that reading is always a good habit. Others feel it depends on which books a person is reading. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many small businesses are being forced to close because they cannot compete with multinational corporations. what problem does this cause, and how can those problems be solved?