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Writing Samples /
Band 2

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Write at least 150 words.

#tourists #malaysia #dubai
The provided line chart illustrates how many tourists visited
Malaysia
 and
Dubai
 in a nine-year
period
 from 1995 to 2003. By and large,
although
Malaysia
 started with a higher number of
people
 visiting the country,
Dubai
 overpassed in the
last
 year of the
period
.
In addition
, both countries saw an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 total visitors by the end of the of the age compared to the beginning. To commence with,
Malaysia
 was the country that
people
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
considered to go rather than
Dubai
 until 2001. It was marked by 100,000 visitors in 1995 compared to
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 counterpart which had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half of those
Malaysia
Change preposition
in Malaysia
show examples
.
However
, starting
2001
Change preposition
in 2001
show examples
, most
people
 preferred to go to
Dubai
 rather than to go to
Malaysia
.
Dubai
 took over the total
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
, accounting for more
300,000
Change preposition
than 300,000
show examples
people
 visiting the place in 2002,
while
Malaysia
 saw a decrease with about 270,000 tourists.
Furthermore
, even though, the two countries had a slight decrease in some years, they mostly showed a
gradually
Change the adverb
gradual
show examples
 increase in
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
period
, which were 100,000 and 50,000 in the first year and ended with 200,000 and 400,000 in the
last
 of the
period
 for
Malaysia
 and
Dubai
 respectively.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Be certain to provide an introduction that clearly establishes the purpose of the essay and sets the scene for the data analysis. Additionally, consider adding a concluding statement that summarizes the key trends shown in the data. Your essay lacks a distinct conclusion, which is essential in IELTS writing.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphing shows some logical structure; however, aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices to demonstrate relationships between ideas more clearly. One way to improve is through the use of signposting language that aids in the transition between points, such as 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' or 'in summary.' Moreover, ensure that your paragraphing is evenly distributed, presenting each main point effectively.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed. Offer a well-rounded analysis of the data provided. Certain sections of your essay exhibit less detailed examination of the statistics and trends, making it vital to illustrate each point with specific, accurate data derived from the chart.
task achievement
For a higher score in task response, clearly convey your insights on the data presented. Your essay should not just describe the data but also provide a comprehensive analysis. Detail is key; where possible, include actual figures from the chart to support your statements. This will show an in-depth understanding and an ability to engage with the specifics of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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