IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #science #subjects #country #progress
This
 intricate and promoted human civilization, has been erected by adverted techniques elicited from a fascinating concept of "
science
". Throughout history, governments
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 advocated
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
particular abstract and impractical sciences in order to stabilize
whom
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
authority and strengthen their dominance and mastery
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
. The
logically
Change the word
logic
show examples
 behind my notion is that administrators must lay the practical
science
 in the heart of attention and dedicate the more paramount
invests
Replace the word
investments
show examples
 on
this
 realm to propel the country toward progress.
This
 notion in
this
 essay will be explored and demonstrated. To embark on,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
provide society with appropriate circumstance for flourishing; the prosperity of articles must have been taken as
top
Add an article
a top
the top
show examples
 priority.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 put it in another way, the
solely
Change the word
sole
show examples
 contributing factor which, possess the ability to cater
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 situation for humankind is
science
. You can take medicine and engineering as a
must
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 brilliant and concrete instance for
this
assert
Replace the word
assertion
show examples
 so that, the former has
insured
Correct your spelling
ensured
show examples
 human well-being and the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 has contributed to the construction of human civilizations.
Consequently
,
science
 in grounds for worthwhile serves that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 donated to man must
place
Wrong verb form
be placed
show examples
 in the middle of our limelight. Turning to the other side of
argument
Add an article
the argument
an argument
show examples
, a growing number of individuals hold up
this
 point of view that to enhance the
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness of appropriate social behavior and augmentation of spiritual and inspirational values among throng religious and abstract tutorial materials
also
 ought to have been endorsed.
However
, We must notice
this
 thornier veracity that the society which,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been agonizing and struggling to meet the primitive need namely materialistic necessities and health has tucked away these kinds of values.in conclusion, to make
prevalent
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these values among
crowed
Correct article usage
the crowed
show examples
 first of all we must satisfy their fundamental needs and
this
 is not attainable except
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced
science
 backing. All aforementioned
stand points
Correct your spelling
standpoints
show examples
 derive
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a concrete inference that, it has been a privileged policy which,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been taken by authorities that have been endowing more than any more capitals to break through the
science
. To my ways of thinking practical acknowledgments
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been the most momentous equipment in human disposal and to boost
this
 tool the man must devote all of his strives.
Submitted by nimalizadeh.ir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. The introduction in the essay is vague and fails to provide a clear thesis statement.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and restate your opinion. The conclusion in this essay is not fully coherent with the rest of the text and does not effectively summarize the discussed points or restate the opinion clearly.
logical structure
Create a logical structure by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your body paragraphs should each discuss one main idea related to the topic. The essay has a basic structure but lacks clear topic sentences and cohesive devices.
supported main points
Support your main ideas with clear examples and explanations. While the essay attempts to provide examples, they are not sufficiently developed or specific to strongly support the arguments.
complete response
Completely address all parts of the task. Your essay should fully respond to the given prompt. The response in this essay touches on the topic, but it does not address the comparison of investment in science versus other subjects adequately.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present clear and comprehensive ideas. The ideas in your essay are difficult to follow due to the use of overly complex sentences and a lack of clarity in expression. Use simpler constructs and ensure clarity of argument.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples that are fully explained and directly relevant to the argument. The essay lacks concrete examples that are directly linked to the argument of why investing more in science is advantageous.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • holistic development
  • technological advancements
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • sustainable development
  • return on investment (ROI)
  • global competitiveness
  • job market
  • equitable education
  • funding allocation
  • curriculum balance
  • civic responsibilities
  • interdisciplinary approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!