Some people think that internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #internet #communities

It is often thought by some that cyberspace has bridged the distance between

individuals

while

others think that

people

and communities are becoming more distant from each other. In my opinion, I believe that the advent of the

internet

has paved

way

Correct article usage

the way

show examples

for better

communication

and national development. On the

one

hand, some

people

believe that cyberspace has bridged the

communication

gap between

individuals

and I agree.

One

reason for

this

is that with the help of the

internet

, it is now possible to keep

Remove the article

apply

show examples

open

communication

with friends and families who live in distant places. In the past,

one

needed to write a letter and post it through the post office

inorder

Correct your spelling

in order

show examples

to check up on aged parents and friends.

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

letters took days and sometimes weeks to get to their receivers and their corresponding responses

also

took about the same duration to get to the sender.

However

, with the introduction of the

internet

, it is now possible to reach out to friends and families in a matter of minutes using social media networks.

Additionally

, initiating and executing foreign trades without necessarily travelling abroad is now possible.

This

leads to increased economic growth and national development.

On the other hand

, other

people

say that the

internet

has encouraged social distancing

amongst

Change preposition

among

show examples

individuals

and their communities.

This

is because

people

no longer spend quality time with

one

another as they would rather stay glued to the screens of their electronic devices for hours surfing the web. Previously, families created memorable moments by playing board games

such

scrabble

Capitalize word

Scrabble

show examples

, WHOT, or

monopoly

Capitalize word

Monopoly

show examples

or just by watching movies or even telling stories to each other. Unfortunately, that narrative has changed with the advent of the

internet

People

would now rather play

scrabble

Capitalize word

Scrabble

show examples

on their phones

against

Change preposition

than

show examples

the computer. All these

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

encouraged an increasing gap in the level of interaction

amongst

Change preposition

among

show examples

individuals

. In conclusion,

while

people

may vary in their opinion, I believe cyberspace is an important tool for fostering better

communication

amongst

individuals

as well as

promoting national development.

Submitted by Chisom on Mon Jun 08 2020

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task response

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides clear and relevant ideas. Make sure to address all parts of the essay question equally.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure and the ideas are well supported with relevant examples. However, make sure to have a stronger connection between your introduction and conclusion. Also, ensure smoother transition between ideas within paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

There should be a complete ban for advertising. So that we can benefit from its negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on spac research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you thing this is a positive or a negative development?