IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
A few citizens believe certain prisoners should be made to do volunteer community work
instead
 of being put behind bars.
Firstly
, it will discuss the reasons and the benefits
for
Change preposition
of
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 the aforementioned statement. Breakthroughs in education have already brought tremendous changes in all walks of human life, the world over.
Although
 not all inmates are born criminals so they deserve a chance to work for the community and be rehabilitated, some prisoners never change and laws need to be
Correct article usage
a
show examples
little harsh by keeping them behind bars.
In addition
 to
this
, inmates should not have the privilege of having their all basic necessities as they are coming from the taxes of local people.
According to
 a survey, the team of researchers have found that people
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in voluntary work has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased
from
Change preposition
since
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 2005 so inmates can be of better help to the government. Education is one of the most important factors in the development of an offender
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 particular, should be given the top priority. These days juvenile crimes have been
also
 rising;
however
, it is crucial to engage them in social services. Not only they should be made to earn their basics, but
also
 there should be an education system running differently just for the people who have committed minor crimes. To cite an example, some studies found that if minor offenders are kept in prisons for longer
then
 they may tend to be bigger criminals in future. In conclusion, prisoners are having the benefits of having their necessities. In my opinion, the lawbreakers should earn the necessary items and they need to be educated to identify the difference between right and wrong.
Submitted by zarana421995 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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