IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

#students #school #money
There is a common
problem
 among high
school
 graduates these days where
students
 are leaving
school
 without any knowledge or skill in personal
money
 management.
This
 essay will outline a
number
 of reasons for
this
 trend and a
number
 of possible solutions to help tackle the issue.
Firstly
, one of the main causes of
this
problem
 is that the majority of high
school
students
 live with their
parents
 and are completely financially dependent upon them. Most
students
 do not need to work to earn
money
 while
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high
school
, as their
parents
 pay for all their needs, and
therefore
 do not gain any understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the realities of earning and saving
money
. Usually, the only
money
 that
students
 receive is from their
parents
 and
this
 is typically in the form of
pocket-
Correct your spelling
pocket money
show examples
money
, which is given with the intent of it being spent.
Therefore
, young people only really learn how to spend
money
, and not how to earn, save or manage it wisely.
However
, there are a
number
 of viable solutions to help
students
 deal with
this
problem
.
Firstly
, basic
money
 management skills could be included as a compulsory subject for
students
 in their high
school
 years, which would help equip them with the knowledge and skills to manage their own personal finances when they leave
school
, move out of home and enter employment. The
second
 possible step that could be taken to help curb
this
problem
 is through education at home.
Parents
 need to take responsibility to make sure that their children are adequately educated in
such
 matters to ensure their children maintain a successful and independent financial situation after graduating and leaving home. In conclusion,
although
money
 management is a
problem
 for a lot of
school
 leavers, there are a
number
 of viable solutions to counteract
this
problem
.
Submitted by duytham026 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: