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Hostel management has decided to upgrade the security in and around the campus. The management has sent out an opinion survey to see what residents would like to have a new security measure. You are residing in a college hostel: Option A: New HD Night vision Cameras covering the area around the hostel. Option B: Installing biometric locks on the doors.

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It has been brought to my attention that the hostel management decided to upgrade the security around the campus.
While
 Others argue that Installing biometric locks is a good option , I personally believe that New HD night vision
cameras
 would be a great idea. I will justify my choices in the following paragraphs. One important reason to install night vision
cameras
 is , it identifies the thieves robbing the student vehicles.
Furthermore
, it recognizes the kidnapers around the hostel.
For instance
 , recently one of my friend's sister was abducted at the hostel , unfortunately, there were no security
cameras
 installed , which made it extremely difficult to catch kidnappers.
Additionally
 , another compelling reason is, that it tracks and persists the video recordings past 6 months. At any given point in time , we can see the previous recordings if any unexpected event occurs. Nowadays most of the crimes have been chased with the help of
cameras
.
To sum up
, As per the information provided in the above paragraph , I strongly believe that installing a Night vision camera would be a great idea as it identifies thieves and provides better security.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented. Make sure to clearly state your opinion and provide a summary of your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
While you have provided specific examples to support your points, try to include more details and elaborate on the examples to make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more advanced and diverse words and phrases. This will help improve the overall quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the accuracy of your grammar and sentence structures. There are some errors and awkward expressions that can be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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