The news media have to much influence on people's lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the
news
media
influence an individual's life a lot because of having a negative mentality which develops distraction. It is agreed that
this
matter will change the way
people
live in the current scenario;
firstly
, the
news
media
provides the platform where
people
get all the updates about the
weather
forecast and other
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crime rates. There are various ways that the latest
news
media
changes the lifestyle of
people
where they tense about the
weather
changes often.
This
is why
people
now better prepare to organise the plan
according to
the day of
weather
.
For example
, there are many who need vitamin D which comes from the sun and is difficult to have in the winter season.
Hence
, it is crystal clear that it is essential to have a platform of
media
which emits the
news
in day-to-day life.
Furthermore
, it is
also
crucial to be aware of the crime rates, which are
also
regularly updated with the
news
of the
media
.
This
is because all person can easily move around to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their duties and responsibilities to their families
therefore
, they can feel secure enough to live in the country with the guidance of the
media
.
For instance
, many countries facing a war situation and other developed countries have been serving the basic necessary products and food to the needy by reaching the
media
factors.
Thus
, the
news
media
is a medium where all
people
gather all information where they cannot be reached. In conclusion, it is obvious that television
news
can be useful to all
people
to protect their relatives and families by updating themselves. Specifically, crime violation and
weather
forecasts would be better arguments which support well.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear position throughout, as the prompt asks you to discuss the influence of news media and whether it is a negative development. Make sure to directly answer the question and maintain a consistent position on the issue.
task achievement
Your main points should be supported with more specific examples and explanations to effectively demonstrate and strengthen your argument. Aim to include relevant and detailed illustrations for each main point you make.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure needs improvement. There should be a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, with each paragraph serving a distinct purpose. Make sure your introduction introduces the topic and clearly states your position, and your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to help with the logical flow of ideas. This includes transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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