IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many argue that countries must prioritize the learning of the youth,
while
Linking Words
 others opine
to have
Verb problem
that
show examples
 societies should start funding the education of illiterate
adults
Use synonyms
. I agree with the view of adult schooling and,
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reasons to fund them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when a person struggles with reading or writing the social impacts are profound. They may have low self-esteem or feel emotions
such
Linking Words
 as shame,
fear
Correct word choice
and fear
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
struggles
Correct subject-verb agreement
struggle
show examples
 to know their rights.
For example
Linking Words
, being illiterate, the individual would avoid situations where they ought to communicate and make decisions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, unlearned
adults
Use synonyms
 are more susceptible to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 destitutely. In developing countries, people living in poverty are either unemployed or work in low-skilled jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
 of unemployment and to make ends meet, children are sent to work,
while
Linking Words
 others get involved in theft and other crimes. With the funds, these people can be sent to vocational training schools to develop skills to earn a decent living; and literacy training
raising
Wrong verb form
to raise
show examples
 reading proficiency.
Lastly
Linking Words
, non-literate individuals, tend to have more workplace accidents, prolonged recovery
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 and misuse of medication.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 have trouble reading and understanding safety protocols and relevant information like prescription labels and drug overdosage frequently cause serious health issues. We can ask them to repeat instructions and assess their baseline information about their health before proceeding
further
Linking Words
. In conclusion, I reiterate that it is immensely vital for
adults
Use synonyms
 to be literate in today's society and we must take urgent measures and invest more to educate these
adults
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In your essay, you have presented a clear stance on the issue and have supported your arguments. However, there is a need to provide a more comprehensive and detailed response to the task prompt, ensuring all aspects of the question are adequately addressed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a fairly logical progression of ideas and arguments. However, there are some issues with the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and there is a need for better transitioning between ideas and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology. However, there is a need to vary your sentence structures and utilize more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your essay showcases a relatively strong command of grammar with mostly accurate sentence structures. However, there are occasional errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and word choice that affect the overall clarity and accuracy of your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • illiteracy
  • funding
  • resources
  • early education
  • educational foundation
  • economic benefits
  • societal impact
  • eradicating illiteracy
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • intersectionality
  • case studies
  • allocation of resources
  • long-term benefits
  • contribution
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • social issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: