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Band 4

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#tourism #industry #world #tension #people #cultures
The worldwide tourism industry has been the main moneymaking area of our time.
However
, there is an argument that
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
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 enterprise does not advance a better understanding of
people
 with diverse cultural backgrounds,
while
 it just contributes to pressure among existing nations. It is undeniable that travelling may be a factor of tension;
however
,
this
 essay still disagrees with that and will attempt to indicate some reasons to support the claim. On the one hand, it is understandable why some individuals may believe that stress between world citizens was created by the tourist organization service.
For example
, in Thailand, where international travelling is a major industry of external income, there are several social media
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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 about how foreigners behave and underestimate the Thai culture. These problems tend to be raised in tension
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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;
nevertheless
, they do not play any vital roles in the world of travel agency services.
On the other hand
, the reason why the travelling business leads to the comprehensive notion among
people
 around the world is that tourism allows
people
 from different continents to access and learn the actual
custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
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 about where they afford to go
to
Change preposition
apply
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.
For example
, a part of the plan travellers tend to complete before their trip is to do some research
for
Change preposition
on
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 the local lifestyle which will allow them to understand more about their dream location. By researching before going abroad and
the
Add a missing verb
having the
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 opportunity to experience the real tradition,
people
 will be able to understand how each country differs from the others.
To conclude
, there might be some issues similar to what I have mentioned earlier occur,
nonetheless
, it is undeniable that the international tourism industry contributes to the appropriate notion of
people
 from different countries. It is because tourists are connected and
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
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 to experience the virtual image of local traditions.
Therefore
, it is completely not agreeable to claim that overseas trip leads to tension.

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task response
The essay provides a balanced argument, but the position on the topic is not explicitly stated in the introduction. It is important to clearly present a position at the beginning of the essay to establish the focus and direction of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, the development of ideas throughout the essay is somewhat disorganized and lacks coherence. It is important to provide a clear introduction that previews the main points and to use cohesive devices to connect ideas within paragraphs and across the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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