IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #museums #places #purpose
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has become a social trend that the role of
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 is increasingly ambiguous. People begin to engage in a debate about whether the ultimate aim of
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is educational or entertaining. Personally, I tend to believe that the educational value of
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 plays a more crucial part in both people’s daily lives and
society
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is undeniable that various
museums
Use synonyms
 find it increasingly necessary to attract tourists by making their
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 function more pronounced. In the era of digitalization and consumerism, people who are used to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a fast-paced lifestyle are generally reluctant to patiently spend their entire day visiting traditional
museums
Use synonyms
 where listening to oral instructions is dominant.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
museums
Use synonyms
 did not integrate more enjoyable elements
such
Linking Words
 as interactive activities, visual stimulations, and spectacular effects into their exhibitions,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
declining revenues would be inevitable.
Consequently
Linking Words
, to survive in a market-driven environment and gain more profits,
museums
Use synonyms
 should innovate their mode of operation and emphasize more on the purpose of entertainment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even though entertaining audiences is essential to maintain commercial competence,
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 function of
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should not be ignored because both individuals and
society
Use synonyms
 could benefit from it. For individuals, participating in lectures organized by
museums
Use synonyms
 may enable them to enrich
professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
show examples
 knowledge and broaden their horizons.
For example
Linking Words
, explaining
dinosaurs’
Change noun form
dinosaurs
show examples
 fossils collected in
museums
Use synonyms
 would be a more accepted way for the public to understand palaeontology, a subject
that is
Linking Words
 too abstract to understand in the traditional class. As for
society
Use synonyms
,
museums
Use synonyms
 are indispensable to cultural awareness and critical
reflections
Fix the agreement mistake
reflection
show examples
. It is a fact that
museums
Use synonyms
 of Aboriginal history can serve to advocate for the civil rights of indigenous Australians because these
museums
Use synonyms
 keep the evidence of inhumane
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
show examples
 suffered by them during the period of colonization. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, educating a
society
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to respect its cultural diversity and human rights is a significant responsibility for
museums
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should adhere to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 educational purpose, despite the necessity of designing more intriguing activities to allure audiences in the context of modern lifestyle.
Submitted by zhouxianzheng056 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Great job! Your essay is well-structured and presents clear arguments for both sides of the debate. Your examples support your ideas effectively. Keep up the good work!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: