Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #children #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

There has been a common assumpting that young

people

need to have good academic backgrounds to considers successful.

Therefore

, some

people

believe that

music

and Physical Education should remove from the curriculum, to focus totally on teaching academic skills. In my opinion, both categories essential for

students

in terms of daily life and future career. Admittedly, Listening to singing songs and playing musical instruments can be beneficial for health, which can lighten their mood and alleviate boredom.

Additionally

music

shows differences between cultures, and encouraging

people

to play

music

can preserve the diversity of musical styles. Musical traditions differ from region to region, and there are substantial differences in musical instruments, rhythms, genres, beats, and lyrics.

Firstly

, for young

students

, physical education services the best way to release pressure to gain health benefits and life balances. Due to the rapid developments of the society and fast rhythm, young

people

have exposure to put pressure on work or study. Academic tasks have to complete a short time. All kinds of jobs and data have to deal with. whereas,

students

easily with tension and fatigue, physically and mentally. Regular exercise may fix

this

situation.

Also

, as a consequence of activity, the ageing process will be slow down and enough strength to fight diseases,

such

as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. But in fact, they can

also

be successful in the practical field,

such

as musical or P.E teacher, etc. I believe that these careers are as significant and honourable as those in the academic aspect. Introducing

music

and P.E class into the school curriculum could，to some extent， assist

students

in realizing overall development and add spice to their dull routine of everyday life.

Submitted by 1339232976 on Tue Apr 13 2021

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

281 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some think the current generation should take steps to protect the environment for the next generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?