IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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Admittedly, the pros attached to buying
items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
are define
Change the verb form
are defined
show examples
. First and foremost, when buying on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 by digital gadget,
people
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 make better shopping choices. Shopee perfectly exemplifies
this
Linking Words
 situation,
this
Linking Words
 social media has provided a wide range of
Items
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as clothes,
gadgets
Correct word choice
and gadgets
show examples
… since 2010.
While
Linking Words
 in the past,
people
Use synonyms
 spent a huge amount of time
on
Change preposition
apply
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shopping directly, today, with the
befenits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of marketing and advertising
campains
Correct your spelling
campaigns
,
people
Use synonyms
 have more choices on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social networks. Apart from providing various
items
Use synonyms
, buying
Items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 creates a range of job opportunities for many
people
Use synonyms
. In the past,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
millions of
people
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 would have to face unemployment, now, buying
items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 has a severe impact on their
live
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lives
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 and makes significant financial contributions to the development of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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 Notwithstanding the aforementioned benefits associated with buying
Items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
, I am convinced that they are eclipsed by the following
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. Buying
Items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 many
people
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become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
 more
heavlily
Correct your spelling
heavily
 reliant on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical advances.
According to
Linking Words
 VNexpress, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 in Hanoi is a good case in point, they spend too much time on
smartphone
Correct pronoun usage
their smartphone
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of interacting
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 with others.
Besides
Linking Words
, technological advances in communication could lead to social scamming. Many
people
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 experience feelings of
deceiving
Replace the word
deception
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 when realizing that online shops have many
items
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 in
virtual
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the virtual
a virtual
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 world,
while
Linking Words
 in the real
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 there is no item
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can buy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it may be justifiable
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
Items
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 has more benefits, I believe that buying
Items
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 potential risks and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to depending on technical gadgets

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. This helps to structure your ideas and provide a clear overview of your arguments.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your main points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing and provides evidence for your claims.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource. This helps to make your essay more interesting and varied.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your grammar to improve your grammatical range. This helps to ensure that your sentences are clear and accurate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
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