In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
As a result
of technological development, medicine research and general improvements in human health, scientists have pushed the existing aging
limits to a never-before-seen timeframe and, not only did they prolong an individual's lifetime but they Change the spelling
ageing
also
managed to control time effects leading to a quality old age.
Nevertheless
, having numerous elder people in society might cause problems for both the government and the remaining part of said community. Japan must be taken as an example of a decaying group, where its population is mainly old, conveying a negative development for new generations due to
the lack of young individuals capable of guaranteeing their communities' surveillance, reproductive-wise.
On the other hand
, some people firmly believe that having these vulnerable well-beings around is beneficial for everyone. Whether they help out with chores regarding public systems or transfer invaluable information and skills to younger generations, the role played by them cannot be overlooked and not even diminished.
For sure, negative aspects may catch someone's attention and make him/her believe we do not need elderly people around society, however
, this
idea fails deeply when overlooking the clear benefits our community gets from them. We are obliged to act accordingly
to their elderly needs and not take them for granted as they were here before and everybody is going towards that day, sooner or later. It is crystal clear that what they contribute to society has been forgotten, although
, that does not mean we cannot change its way around and treat them fairly from now on.Submitted by gerunch on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but there are abrupt transitions and a lack of connectors to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. Developing a clear and logical progression of ideas is critical. Consider using more cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided an introduction and conclusion, but they lack a strong thesis statement and final summation of the main points discussed. It's important to state your position clearly in the introduction and restate it succinctly in the conclusion for maximum clarity and impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay does touch on aspects related to the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, yet the main points lack strong support and elaboration. Aim to develop each point fully with well-chosen examples and evidence to enhance persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
While your response is relevant to the prompt, it leans towards generality without adequately delving into the specific complexities of the topic. A complete response should address the nuances and provide a balanced view, supported by examples and a thorough exploration of both sides.
Task Achievement
Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. To improve, focus on explaining each point in more depth with precise language and detailed arguments. Clarity in expression is key to effectively conveying your perspective and supporting it convincingly.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks relevant, specific examples to substantiate the points made. Providing concrete examples is essential to strengthen your argument and illustrate the points you are making. Try incorporating real-world instances, statistics, or studies to back up your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.