IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In majority of universities learners focus on specific subjects, however some consider that universities must motivate learners to learn a great range of subjects. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this.

#majority #universities #learners #focus #subjects #consider #range
It is argued that universities should motivate
students
 to learn a broader range of
subjects
 rather than focusing on specific
subjects
.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 viewpoint.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss
students
 concentrating on particular
subjects
 to attain their major objective and
secondly
, learning irrelevant topics could distract
learners
Change noun form
learners'
learner's
show examples
 focus from their specialization.
Students
 pertaining
tertiary
Change preposition
to tertiary
show examples
 education should acquire relevant knowledge and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 required by the chosen field.
This
 will keep the
learners
 focused and concentrated on designated topics and they can devote more time and effort to succeed in their academic journey.
For instance
, a student doing
IT
Correct article usage
an IT
show examples
 degree will benefit more from learning about cloud computing rather than learning about history.
As a result
, these
learners
 will be equipped with outstanding skills and will add more skilful workers
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the job market.
On the other hand
, mandating
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 irrelevant to specialization will make it more difficult for
learners
 to achieve better grades in these topics.
Moreover
,
learners
 will pay less attention to the main
subjects
 as they must study new
subjects
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of their major
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will ultimately have an adverse effect on their
overall
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
However
, there are many learning institutes that provide courses, specialized in
subjects
 that
learners
 can enrol after graduation.
For instance
, companies like HubSpot
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 mini diplomas in the fields of sales and marketing that anyone can register. In conclusion,
students
 seeking higher education should learn
subjects
 pertaining to their major that will have a better outcome rather than studying
subjects
 that could be an academic burden.
Submitted by khojah_a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response score is reasonable, but could be improved by providing a clearer stance on the topic and offering a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are reasonably good, but the essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and a stronger connection between ideas in each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: