You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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argue that most of the individual's first preference is to watch
TV
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in their leisure
time
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, which makes them inactive and
also
Linking Words
stops them from socialising with other
people
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.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the points in favour of the argument, as I too agree
on
Change preposition
with
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the statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, watching
TV
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is the most preferred activity of an individual in their leisure
time
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.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, Television provides lots of and all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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of content, ranging
form
Correct your spelling
from
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comedy, thriller, horror, action, romance and many more. Television has given access to
consume
Verb problem
apply
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all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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of content which is very engaging and entertaining. So an individual's first priority in their free
time
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is watching
TV
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report says that
people
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spend over 60% of their free
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
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.
Secondly
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,
such
Linking Words
kind of activity is making humans lazy and
also
Linking Words
stoping
Correct your spelling
stopping
show examples
them from mingling with others. As
TV
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is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very engaging, viewers do not focus on playing sports and
also
Linking Words
stopped
Wrong verb form
stop
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people
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from socialising. Playing sports can lead to an active lifestyle and
also
Linking Words
a sport
help
Change the form of the verb
helps
show examples
to mingle with other player which is a very effective way of socialising.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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who play outdoor games are more physically fit and are
also
Linking Words
very socialised.
Thus
Linking Words
, watching
TV
Use synonyms
has made
people
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lazy and it has
also
Linking Words
put a break on the viewer for socialising with other humans. In conclusion,
TV
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tends to gain more viewer's
time
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which as a result makes the viewer slothful and isolated from
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
of the world.
Submitted by adarsh.deore12322 on

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coherence cohesion
You demonstrated an adequate logical structure in your essay; however, transitions between ideas were sometimes abrupt. Utilize a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were present, but they could be more fully developed to clearly present your thesis and summarily encapsulate your arguments respectively. Aim for concise yet comprehensive introductory and concluding paragraphs for a greater impact.
coherence cohesion
While you did support your main points, there is room for improvement in the development of your arguments. Implement more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples to substantiate your points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task; nonetheless, some areas lack thorough exploration. Consolidate your response by delving deeper into the topic, thoroughly answering all parts of the prompt, and sustaining a focused position throughout.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensible, yet strive for greater clarity and more comprehensive development to enhance the overall quality of your essay. Avoid repetition and include clear, distinct points that support your argument effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is integral to fortifying your arguments, but they must be detailed and fully relevant to the topic. Incorporate more specific and varied instances to better illustrate your points and engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Cognitive laziness
  • Social interaction
  • Isolation
  • Face-to-face
  • Mentally stimulating
  • Catalyst for social gatherings
  • Educational content
  • Intellectual growth
  • Physical laziness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: