IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more women go out to work. It is the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staffs and facilities to care for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#women #work #government& #responsibility #subsidise #staffs #facilities #care #children #idea
In the modern ,era most housewives work outside to fulfil their dreams and live a better life. Ladies doing jobs for families at that time politics
support
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
her in caring for children and some facilities. I totally agree with
this
 statement and give some examples in
ensuring
Verb problem
the concluding
show examples
 paragraph. First of all, all mothers do jobs and caring for offspring is hard for her. But
this
 problem by the support of the government because if they give some free services like taking care of children during working time and giving medical facilities.
Moreover
,young and ambitious mothers can have time
for seeking
Change preposition
to seek
show examples
 a job and their own personal fulfilment.As an example,research shows that 60 per cent of ladies really desire to have these types of opportunities, which can provide improvements in the country by having more hardworking employers. The second main reason is girls live very stressful
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because of trying to manage jobs and caring for babies. They need good opportunities for living a good life and managing both things.
Furthermore
,it can provide a decline of depreciation in women and lead to
increasing
Replace the word
an increase in
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of
Correct article usage
the of
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 level happiness in folk.
For instance
,in terms of mother's bliss.
This
 not only benefits the women but
also
 boosts the economy as
due to
 the above-stated reasons many potential women out there don't have a choice to work.
To conclude
,I strongly believe that mothers require the government's support by providing free stuff to take care of their children during
mother
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 working hours because it will give decreasing of depreciation and improvements in the country.
This
 step is very positive for ladies and the government too because the employment ratio increases if they provide these services.
Submitted by urvipatel606 on

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task response
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and create a clear and logical flow of information throughout the essay.
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