IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

#people #lawbreakers #prison #alternatives
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There have been different viewpoints on whether or not
criminals
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 should be sentenced to
prison
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. It is argued by some people that offenders should be punished by serving
prison
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sentences
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while
Linking Words
 others believe there are alternative measures. From my own perspective, I am in
favor
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favour
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 of the former one. On the one hand, there is an array of non-custodial
sentences
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 to punish lawbreakers other than putting them
into
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in
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prison
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those committing minor crimes like shoplifting or pickpocketing can be sent to reform schools.
This
Linking Words
 is because they often have poor educational backgrounds and at these schools, people will educate them about the dangers of committing crimes and the potential consequences associated with these acts;
as a result
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, they will be able to distinguish right from wrong.
Secondly
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, those engaged in illegal activities can be
also
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 put on probation or perform community orders
instead
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 of custodial
sentences
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.
As a consequence
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, they will behave as they should because they know they are under
control
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the control
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 of the police.
In other words
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, they can have chances to reflect on what they have done
as well as
Linking Words
 gradually reintegrate into society by doing good things.
On the other hand
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, I firmly believe that
prison
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sentences
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 would truly act as a deterrent to
criminals
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due to
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 some reasons. First and foremost, imprisonment could greatly help to break the cycle of recidivism of offenders. It cannot be denied that putting those who commit crimes in
prison
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 might make them seriously aware of their guilt and be afraid of losing their freedom again, which, ultimately, prevents
criminals
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 from reoffending. Second of all, lawbreakers being locked up would ensure the safety of society. If
criminals
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, especially those committing serious offences, were under poor supervision and lived freely, it would exert detrimental impacts on citizens as they would have a sense of insecurity.
To sum up
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, notwithstanding other ways to punish lawbreakers, I still hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 belief that
prison
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sentences
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 are the most effective measure to deter crime.
Submitted by lekhanhhoa1208 on

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Task Response
Task Response: Good development and explanation of both views. It is important to clearly present your own opinion and ensure that it is consistent throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is well maintained, and there is a clear progression of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more distinct and impactful in summarizing the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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