Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development?

#devices #world’s #information #fingertips #development

Nowadays, gadgets

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been developed as much and there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

every

Correct quantifier usage

a lot of

show examples

information in one. Just by touching

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our fingertips, the data about the things we want to know will appear on screen, but they are commented

Change preposition

on by

show examples

many

people

about their disadvantages. I will give my feedback in the following paragraphs.

To begin

with technologies at present, we always

use

smartphones

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

. We

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

time

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using our smartphone

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our health.

For instance

, if our

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

do not move, our

muscle

Fix the agreement mistake

muscles

show examples

will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

hurt and our

bone

Fix the agreement mistake

bones

show examples

will

Verb problem

break

show examples

broke

easier

Replace the word

easily

show examples

Moreover

, using

eye

Add an article

an eye

the eye

show examples

to watch blue light for

long

Add an article

a long

show examples

time

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

you

Change the pronoun

your

show examples

need to

paid

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

to buy some glasses for seeing.

Otherwise

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

in real life

are

Change the verb form

show examples

worse because we always spend our time

with

Change preposition

show examples

Add an article

the phone

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and forget to take care

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

around

ourselves

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

Additionally

, when some bad

people

want to hack your data, they can make

fake

Correct article usage

a fake

show examples

touch id

then

they can hack all of your personal information. It is hard to believe but some

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

can not cope with

this

problem and they are in emergency situations. Some

people

afraid

Add a missing verb

are afraid

show examples

Change preposition

of it

show examples

Therefore

, they should

use

it carefully and should not often

use

it in public. In conclusion, technologies have logged in by finger taps and there are many

information

Change preposition

of information

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

devices. I can see a lot of disadvantages of them. So we can discuss that we can

use

it but we should be careful

while

using it. I want to recommend you to cope timetable for using them not much in one day.

Submitted by pramai177 on Tue Oct 03 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Include more supporting details and evidence to strengthen your arguments.

grammatical range accuracy

Use more complex sentence structures to showcase your range of grammar.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the overall organization and flow of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

. Some people believe that children should be involved in making their school\'s rules. Others say that only adults should make the school\'s rules. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

You have decided to leave your current job and look for a new one. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter explain why you want to leave your current job describe what kind of job you are looking for ask for some help or advice

It is important for travellers and business people to understand the cultures they come into contact with, however briefly, what are the main advantages of doing so? what do you think is the main disadvantage of not doing so?