Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development?

Nowadays, gadgets
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been developed as much and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
every
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
information in one. Just by touching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our fingertips, the data about the things we want to know will appear on screen, but they are commented
by
Change preposition
on by
show examples
many
people
about their disadvantages. I will give my feedback in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with technologies at present, we always
use
smartphones
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. We
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using our smartphone
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our health.
For instance
, if our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
do not move, our
muscle
Fix the agreement mistake
muscles
show examples
will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hurt and our
bone
Fix the agreement mistake
bones
show examples
will
be
Verb problem
break
show examples
broke
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
.
Moreover
, using
eye
Add an article
an eye
the eye
show examples
to watch blue light for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
time
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
need to
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
to buy some glasses for seeing.
Otherwise
,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
in real life
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
worse because we always spend our time
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
and forget to take care
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
around
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
.
Additionally
, when some bad
people
want to hack your data, they can make
fake
Correct article usage
a fake
show examples
touch id
then
they can hack all of your personal information. It is hard to believe but some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
can not cope with
this
problem and they are in emergency situations. Some
people
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
it
Change preposition
of it
show examples
.
Therefore
, they should
use
it carefully and should not often
use
it in public. In conclusion, technologies have logged in by finger taps and there are many
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
devices. I can see a lot of disadvantages of them. So we can discuss that we can
use
it but we should be careful
while
using it. I want to recommend you to cope timetable for using them not much in one day.
Submitted by pramai177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Include more supporting details and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Use more complex sentence structures to showcase your range of grammar.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the overall organization and flow of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: