IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people feel that sports is beneficial to the society. Others, however believe that it is nothing but a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #society #leisure #activity
It has always been argued that recreational activities are giving more advantages to the community,
whereas
 opponents reckon that it is only for utilising their spare
time
. In my opinion, I favour the former view;
however
,
this
 essay shall dwell upon both viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, why sports is beneficial for
people
?
This
 is because it survives from
health
 ailments. When individuals take part in physical activities
such
 as Soccer, Cricket, volleyball and many more, they can save from major outcomes like obesity, back pain and weak eyesight
along
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apply
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with
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it
is
Unnecessary verb
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not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 physical
health
 but
also
 mental.
Besides
this
,
people
 are active in their lives. Nowadays, technology is proliferating regularly, so most commoners
love
Add the particle
tolove
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 spend their free
time
 playing games and listening
music
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to music
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on
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
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with
this
 they have become lethargic, but if they indulge in outdoor games, they may become energetic and gain
their
Correct pronoun usage
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strength level.
Due to
 the above-mentioned, I favour the same.
On the other hand
, human beings might get injuries. To elaborate, some games hurt parts of
people
's bodies.
Consequently
, they may not work and face financial crises,
therefore
 humans need to spend their leisure
time
 with their family members or on their precious tasks with the assistance of
this
 they could secure from injuries.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the World
Health
 Organization revealed that in foreign countries the population prefer to spend most
time
 in their work field with
this
 they can save funds for their latter stage of life.
To conclude
,
although
people
 can face a disability of any body part once they participate in sports activities, I personally claim that sports have more merits
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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saves from
health
 ailments
as well as
 humans alive in their daily life.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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