Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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These days famous

personalities

Use synonyms

such

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as film

stars

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and reality show

stars

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, are gaining popularity because of their colossal wealth

as well as

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glamorous appearance rather than their outstanding achievements, and

this

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trend negatively impacts youngsters. I agree with

this

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viewpoint as after seeing these celebrities' lifestyles, sometimes many children not only go through cosmetic surgeries but

also

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adopt wrong methods to become affluent.

To begin

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with, these days, many young boys and girls are undergoing beautification surgeries in a lure to look more attractive after following their beloved

stars

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. Since many famous

personalities

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give their highest priority to looks, they undergo several types of plastic surgeries to become more charming.

While

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following these surgical procedures similar to these

personalities

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, sometimes young fans distort their appearance, which has a life-long impact.

For example

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, a recent survey found that many millennials are pushing towards facial fillers

due to

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their desire to look like their famous film

stars

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, which may result in their facial deformities.

Moreover

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, many teens tend to become overnight affluent to experience the pleasures of their favourite

personalities

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' lifestyles. Sometimes they get trapped in wrongful practices,

such

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as thefts and shoplifting.

Consequently

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, these malpractices not only spoiled their lives but

also

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shattered the trust of their mothers and fathers as these parents would have several hopes for their children’s future.

For example

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, a recent study showed that after watching the reality shows of lavish celebrities, the incidents of juvenile delinquency surged by twenty-five per cent in New York City.

To conclude

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, nowadays, many adolescents are blindly imitating public figures who are well-known for their enormous wealth

as well as

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charming appearances.

However

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this

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would have several negative consequences on young generations because

while

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copying these

stars

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, they sometimes distort their physical appearance and start doing wrongful acts to make fast bucks.

Submitted by manpreetcanada90 on Sat Sep 16 2023

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task response

Your essay provides a relevant response to the task, but it could benefit from further development and depth in your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is generally strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are areas where the coherence and cohesion of your ideas could be improved, such as the transition between paragraphs and the flow of your supporting points.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is good, but there is room for improvement in incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more precise and varied language to convey your ideas effectively.

grammatical range

Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accurate use of tenses. However, pay attention to sentence structures and strive for a more varied and sophisticated range of grammatical structures to enhance your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances. What are the causes of this phonomenon and what are the some of possible solution

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?