Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
These days famous
personalities
, such
as film stars
and reality show stars
, are gaining popularity because of their colossal wealth as well as
glamorous appearance rather than their outstanding achievements, and this
trend negatively impacts youngsters. I agree with this
viewpoint as after seeing these celebrities' lifestyles, sometimes many children not only go through cosmetic surgeries but also
adopt wrong methods to become affluent.
To begin
with, these days, many young boys and girls are undergoing beautification surgeries in a lure to look more attractive after following their beloved stars
. Since many famous personalities
give their highest priority to looks, they undergo several types of plastic surgeries to become more charming. While
following these surgical procedures similar to these personalities
, sometimes young fans distort their appearance, which has a life-long impact. For example
, a recent survey found that many millennials are pushing towards facial fillers due to
their desire to look like their famous film stars
, which may result in their facial deformities.
Moreover
, many teens tend to become overnight affluent to experience the pleasures of their favourite personalities
' lifestyles. Sometimes they get trapped in wrongful practices, such
as thefts and shoplifting. Consequently
, these malpractices not only spoiled their lives but also
shattered the trust of their mothers and fathers as these parents would have several hopes for their children’s future. For example
, a recent study showed that after watching the reality shows of lavish celebrities, the incidents of juvenile delinquency surged by twenty-five per cent in New York City.
To conclude
, nowadays, many adolescents are blindly imitating public figures who are well-known for their enormous wealth as well as
charming appearances. However
, this
would have several negative consequences on young generations because while
copying these stars
, they sometimes distort their physical appearance and start doing wrongful acts to make fast bucks.Submitted by manpreetcanada90 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay provides a relevant response to the task, but it could benefit from further development and depth in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are areas where the coherence and cohesion of your ideas could be improved, such as the transition between paragraphs and the flow of your supporting points.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is good, but there is room for improvement in incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and more precise and varied language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accurate use of tenses. However, pay attention to sentence structures and strive for a more varied and sophisticated range of grammatical structures to enhance your writing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!