IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #development
These days business owners often say their
products
 are new in some ways. They do
this
 to get customer's attention
as well as
 they want to sell more of their other
products
 under the same brand. In my point of view,
this
 matter is a positive development that provides more advantages.
Firstly
, business claims their
products
 are new to attract customers. If they use advanced technology, more people will be interested in their
products
. They
also
 want to sell more of their other
products
 with the same brand.
For example
, when Apple released the iPhone, with modern technology, it became popular, and the other
products
also
 gained popularity.
Secondly
, one of the obvious advantages is that makes our lives easier. In simple words, tech companies sell
products
 with helpful features,
such
 as watches that can make phone calls, which makes our lives better. It
also
 improves our quality of life.
For instance
, people can go anywhere without getting lost thanks to the map feature on their smartphones, made possible by technology.
Thirdly
, another advantage of businesses emphasizing that their
products
 are new in some way is that they keep the market competitive. When companies constantly advertise and present their
products
 as new and improved, it pushes other businesses to do the same.
This
 competition gives strength to companies to produce better
products
, which benefits the customers. In conclusion, getting the customer's attention with competition with other markets about
products
 and boosting sales of other
products
 with the same brand are the reasons why business highlights their goods. I believe
this
 phenomenon has a positive development, leading to significant profits.
Submitted by despinaiapona on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the usage of some transitional words, and be sure to explicitly connect all points in your argument. This would help your essay flow better and be easier to follow.
task achievement
Remember to directly answer all parts of the question. While you've addressed why businesses might emphasize the newness of their products, you didn't fully explain in depth why you believe this is a positive development.
lexical resource
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and try to avoid repetition of phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: