IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read, whereas others believe only printed material should be used. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 40 mins

#people #materials #child #mins
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In the modern era, a lot of controversies surround the issue of reading in children. It is believed
by
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some people that electronic devices are more appropriate for kids to read
while
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 others disagree and still follow the traditional ways like printed
books
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and
at the end
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, my opinion will emerge.
Firstly
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, advocates of online reading tout its many advantages.
To begin
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 with, printed
books
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 have way far less harm
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to
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 the body. Research indicates that the blue light of smartphones can interfere with sleep and
also
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 impair vision. That means that printed
books
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 can give the readers more pleasure without being concerned about its consequences.
Additionally
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, the feeling of touching the
paper
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 can enhance the understanding of the text as well. That feeling can stimulate the part of the brain related to happiness which can increase the efficiency of learning. In 2018,
for example
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, scholars suggested that schools shouldn'
t
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 replace
paper
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 with smart screens because they can deteriorate brain function. On the other side, online libraries can expand the accessibility of all kinds of
books
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 and reduce environmental impacts. Some individuals live in remote areas and to buy a printed book they should travel a far distance.
In addition
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, some
books
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 are printed in limited editions and the public can'
t
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 access them. Here is where play the role of a saviour. They can download them wherever they are and enjoy the acquisition of new knowledge.
Moreover
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, a large quantity of forests are getting destroyed to produce
paper
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 from their trees.
Besides
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 that, during the process of
paper
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 production, a lot of emissions are released into the air which can worsen the climate crisis.
For instance
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, researchers estimate that 2 per cent of Amazon rainforests are vanishing annually and
paper
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 production accounts for 1.2 per cent of it.
To conclude
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, I don'
t
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 endorse E-
books
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 and I think they aren'
t
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 a good alternative to printed ones because of health issues they can cause. I hope in the future scientists find an appropriate and environmentally friendly substance to make
books
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 from and
then
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, the earth will be happy too.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction : Your introduction suggests that you will discuss both views and then provide your opinion, but a clearer statement of your stance from the beginning can help with task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a single idea : Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain coherence. The shift between discussing the benefits of printed materials and then immediately discussing the advantages of online materials can be a bit abrupt. Transition sentences could help here.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures: Employ a variety of complex sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate language proficiency, which can improve coherence and overall score.
Task Achievement
Provide more balanced examples: While your essay discusses both sides, ensure that examples and evidence are balanced and equally detailed for both views. This will strengthen your argument and task achievement.
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