IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s modern society, an increasing number of people are choosing to delay
parenthood
Use synonyms
. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 tendency arises from several factors, and
while
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 it offers some potential advantages, the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why many young married couples opt to have
children
Use synonyms
 at older ages. One of the primary reasons for delaying childbirth is the ever-increasing pressure of work and financial responsibilities. As the world has become increasingly competitive, many young individuals find making ends meet a daunting task, let alone bearing the colossal expenses of raising
children
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.
Thus
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, many assert that achieving financial stability before having their first child is of paramount importance, as it allows them to fulfil their parenting responsibilities better.
For instance
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, they will be able to afford quality education and healthcare for their
children
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.
Moreover
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, it is undeniable that
parenthood
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 has profound and far-reaching impacts on
children
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’s lives.
Therefore
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, many youngsters believe that postponing
parenthood
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 will allow them to accumulate fundamental parenting and caregiving skills, gain a deeper understanding of a child’s characteristics and be able to take good care of their kids in the future.
However
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, I contend that giving birth at an older age has several significant disadvantages.
Although
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 great strides in the medical field have improved the safety of childbirth for older mothers, delaying
parenthood
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 still poses significant health risks for both mother and child. Research indicates that women over 35 are more susceptible to miscarriage and other issues during
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, the chances of the child developing health conditions like Down syndrome increase with the mother's age.
Moreover
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, the significant age gap between parents and
children
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 can lead to communication difficulties and misunderstandings, potentially undermining family relationships. In conclusion,
while
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 the notion of postponing
parenthood
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 may allow young couples to prepare more thoroughly for the significant responsibilities of being parents, I still believe its disadvantages overshadow its benefits
due to
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 the detrimental effects it may have on mothers,
children
Use synonyms
, and familial relationships.

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task response
Your essay addresses all parts of the task effectively and provides a clear response to the question. Your ideas are well-developed and supported by relevant examples, though you might add more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument even further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay exhibits a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. The paragraphs are well-organized and ideas flow logically. However, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to further enhance the cohesion and coherence of your writing.
task response
The essay provides a thorough and focused examination of the reasons why people choose to have children later in life, supported by well-developed arguments and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively framed, giving the essay a coherent structure. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easy to follow your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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