IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area in Briatin. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area in Briatin. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed
#information #police #budget #area #briatin #money #show
The table illustrates the financial plan of
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 with three different sources in 2017 and 2018
while
 the pie chart displays how the money has been used in the same period on building and transport,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, and salaries. The units given are
million
pounds
 and percentages.
Overall
, the whole police budget had increased over the recorded years
whereas
 the wages for the employers had declined.
However
, more money
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 allocated to the
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
. Looking at the law enforcement account, it stood at
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 304.7
million
pounds
 in the initial year
then
 had significantly risen to 318.6
million
pounds
 in 2018, especially from the local taxes, 91.2 to 102.3
million
pounds
, respectively. As for the national government and other resources, both had a slight rise
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 0.5 to 2.3
million
pounds
, each. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spending, in 2017,
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
show examples
 of
pounds
 had spent on the worker's
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
then
 dropped to just above two thirds next year.
Infrastracture
Correct your spelling
Infrastructure
 and transportation fell a close
second,
accounting
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 less than a fifth in both mentioned
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
.
Lastly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 least spending in 2017 with less than one in ten
then
 a slight rise to 14% in the following year.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, pounds with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: