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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area in Briatin. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area in Briatin. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed
The table illustrates the financial plan of
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 with three different sources in 2017 and 2018
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart displays how the money has been used in the same period on building and transport,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology, and salaries. The units given are
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 and percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, the whole police budget had increased over the recorded years
whereas
Linking Words
 the wages for the employers had declined.
However
Linking Words
, more money
had
Verb problem
was
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 allocated to the
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
. Looking at the law enforcement account, it stood at
total
Add an article
a total
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 of 304.7
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the initial year
then
Linking Words
 had significantly risen to 318.6
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 2018, especially from the local taxes, 91.2 to 102.3
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
, respectively. As for the national government and other resources, both had a slight rise
around
Change preposition
of around
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 0.5 to 2.3
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
, each. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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spending, in 2017,
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
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 of
pounds
Use synonyms
 had spent on the worker's
salary
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salaries
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then
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 dropped to just above two thirds next year.
Infrastracture
Correct your spelling
Infrastructure
 and transportation fell a close
second,
Linking Words
accounting
of
Change preposition
for
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 less than a fifth in both mentioned
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 least spending in 2017 with less than one in ten
then
Linking Words
 a slight rise to 14% in the following year.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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