IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #government
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Numerous people say that the government should spend the
budget
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 to support private
schools
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.
Due to
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this
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, it will help develop the education system. In my opinion, they should not be funded by public money, private
schools
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 already have high profits from school tuition and private academies are businesses created to seek profit like other businesses.
To begin
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 with, nowadays the average of private
schools
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 is increasing
due to
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 the demand of
parents
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 that want to give wonderful things to their kids so education is essential for children, several families believe that the expensive tuition can guarantee qualities of their children's life. Since, the negative news about private academies like, in my hometown teachers use violence with the kindergarten
students
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 resulting in serious injury or some phrontistery teachers are unable to take care of all pupils because of the different numbers, which may cause toddlers to be naughty and have accidents. Owing to, lower or in some poor area is free phrontistery tuition.
Hence
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, private centres of learning institutions are in demand for
parents
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 today.
Moreover
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, currently these private organisations there are many new courses being promoted as relevant to today's globalized life.
For instance
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, some private are advertising that they focus on technology and start teaching
students
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 kindergarten ages so some alma maters guarantee that their
students
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 have access to top universities in countries worldwide
therefore
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, it has attracted more attention from wealthy
parents
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. Meanwhile, public
schools
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 have a problem with the number of teachers being
in contrast
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 to the number of
students
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 and still have negative stereotypes from national countries
also
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 the
budget
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 is not enough for every centre of learning, so the
budget
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 should be used to manage government
schools
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 to have better quality than before.
To sum up
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, government authorities should take care of managing the
budget
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 for developing the education system in every public sector, especially in poor areas. For
this
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 purpose raising the standards of the academy and building confidence among
parents
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 to erase the stereotype of state alma mater that are not of quality.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing ideas more logically within paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to this main idea.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your main points with specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. A few grammatical errors can disrupt the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a logical flow of ideas that generally make it easy to follow.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and comprehensive, addressing the topic from different angles.
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