Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the reasons for this? How serious are the effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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At the present time, an increasing number of people are concerned about
childhood
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obesity
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. It is said that many countries in the world are facing a growing issue of
childhood
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obesity
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. The following essay will discuss both the
causes
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and effects of
this
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problem. It is obvious that there are several
causes
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that lead to
childhood
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obesity
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. The first root cause of
this
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phenomenon is that
children
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have unhealthy diets. To be more specific, nowadays, parents are too busy to prepare nutritious meals for
children
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, and they often allow their
children
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to eat fast food and drink a lot of carbonated soft drinks,
such
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as hamburgers, fried chicken, cokes, and so on.
Secondly
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, another important factor contributing to
this
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phenomenon is the lack of physical
activities
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activity
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.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that with the growth of technology,
children
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tend to spend more time indoors.
For instance
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,
children
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often sit in front of screens to watch television or play video games
instead
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of playing sports outdoors. There are some effects that
this
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problem
causes
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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issue results in the fact that pediatric
obesity
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negatively affects the physical health of
children
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. Specifically, obese
children
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lack good nutrients and resistance, which leads to a decrease in their immune systems and puts them at risk of suffering from other diseases,
such
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as diabetes or high blood pressure. Another effect is that
children
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’s mental health is
also
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affected by
obesity
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.
For example
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, obese
children
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often feel more shy and lose confidence in crowded places.
Last
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but not least,
this
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issue may be a burden on nations’ healthcare systems.
To sum up
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, there are some obvious
causes
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and effects related to
childhood
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obesity
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. We should take effective steps to improve these modern-day issues.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and outlines what the essay will cover. However, it could be enriched by providing a more compelling hook or context about why this issue is particularly urgent right now.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that every point made in the body paragraphs is clearly linked back to the main topic. For instance, elaborating on how technology impacts physical activity could strengthen your argument and provide clearer connections between causes and effects.
Task Achievement
While you have good examples such as unhealthy diets and the impact of screen time, further specific examples or statistics could illustrate your points more vividly and enhance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing good overall structure and flow.
Task Achievement
You have identified significant causes and effects of childhood obesity, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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