IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this be solved

#overpopulation #centres #world #be
Compare
to
being one more than one
two
 decades ago, we can perform a lot of activities by just a few clicks. We used to buy
newspaper
Suggestion
a newspaper
the newspaper
newspapers
 every morning if we would like to read news. Nowadays, we can just take out our phone, open an application on our phone, and watch events happening right now live online. Purchasing online is
also
 getting easier than ever, some believe shops in towns and cities will all be closed eventually. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss if online something will lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Some believe due to the shopping online is getting popular, all shops in towns and cities will be closed at the end. They think shopping online is more
accessable
capable of being reached
accessible
, you can do it anytime, anywhere, and purchase almost anything, from groceries to flight tickets, from clothes to foods. For that reason, physical shops will become obsolete. Shops will be
unnecessarily
Suggestion
unnecessary
 as not only
customer
Suggestion
the customer
a customer
have
Suggestion
has
 a better
experience
 buying online, but
also
 the shop owner does not have to pay rent for the shop.
Therefore
, they believe shops in towns and cities will be closed due to the impacts brought by the online shop.
However
, others think shops will not be closed as they believe shops provide more values than just providing goods to customers. Goods can be
purchase
Suggestion
purchased
 online, but some
experience
 cannot be duplicated. Customers can touch and feel the products they are going to purchase, they can compare the product side by side. They can chill in a cafe after their coffee, a waiter
explain
Suggestion
explains
 the coffee they just had was from South Africa, and his
experience
 when purchasing coffee in Africa. These are the
experience
 that cannot be duplicated online at
this
 moment. I believe all shops in towns and cities will not be closed as physical stores does provide value that we cannot get from the online shops at
this
 moment.
However
, I can see it will be a big impact to shops that can only provide goods to customers without any additional value.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: