IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In most countries the majority of crimes are committed by young men under the age of 30. Why is this so, and what can be done to reduce the problem?

#countries #majority #crimes #men #age
When we look at the figures about criminality, we see that most of the crimes are committed by young men under the age of 30.
This
 is a problem of all ages,
although
 the reasons for
this
 could be slightly different than in earlier times. One of the reasons could be that young men tend to start a family later than they used to. Getting married and getting children is being done at a later age nowadays. One of the causes can be the problem of housing. It might become easier to start a family when it will be more easy to find a proper house when you are a young adult. The
second
 reason for the high crime rate amongst young men could be the accessibility of hard drugs.
Although
 hard drugs are not legalized it is easy to get it and
this
 makes it tempting for youngsters. It might help young men avoid drugs when the changes to get caught will be higher and the punishment will be harder, so maybe the police need to focus on
this
 more.
Finally
, there is the issue of higher unemployment rates among adolescents. Not having a job can make life seem hopeless or meaningless, which
subsequently
 can lead to thoughtless acts or criminalization. When it will become easier for employers to hire young people, maybe by some subsidies, it could bring the high unemployment figures down. To summarize, crime rates among young adult men are high and
although
 the reasons for
this
 are numerous, some measurements can be taken tomorrow to bring these numbers down. Make it easier to rent or buy a house, let police focus on drug abuse among youngsters and make legislation to make it easier for companies to hire young men.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: