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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

#obesity #disease #adults #children
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Although
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 for many years,
obesity
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 perceived as a condition occurring in the adult life, recently child
obesity
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 cases has been increased. There are various reasons for
this
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 occurrence and I derived some solutions in the
next
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 few paragraphs. The major cause of
such
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 is an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle of children. Nowadays almost all children are so busy in virtual world’s games and the physical activities are almost retired from their lifestyle.
In addition
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, the technology made it worse by promoting advertisements of fast
food
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, targeting the younger generation.
Such
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food
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 is not only unhealthy for children but fast
food
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 intake makes them lazy and inactive in utmost everything.
Besides
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this
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, the recent study had shown that more than 70 percentage of the average convenience store’s items have overused sugar, which make the situation exacerbate.
However
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, there are several solutions to overcome the negative aspects and reduce
obesity
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 among children. To embark with, awareness should be implied to the younger generation from the beginning of the education. Young people’s minds are immature and they try to imitate what they see, if their education syllabus consists the benefits of nutritious
food
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’s value, they will be well aware and limit their fast
food
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 intake.
In addition
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, It is government’s responsibility to impose strict rules about sugar dosage in every product and limit it to a certain level to make citizen’s better health and long life. To put
this
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 in a nutshell, I believe there are numerous reasons for the child
obesity
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, including inheritance, unhealthy lifestyle and lack of the physical exercise,
nevertheless
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 it can be avoided or reduced by continuous monitoring by government on sugar ingredient in
food
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 and awareness imposed from a young age.
Submitted by Nirbhay on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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